I Need You To Be
by KittyBits
Summary: High School AU. JJ and Spencer are BFFs. Emily is the resident out-and-proud. Derek has a girlfriend. Penny is smart but has nothing else. One year left and then everything is possible, but that is a long time when you're 18. FEMSLASH/SLASH. R/M JJ/E P/A
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I only ever love and never own. **

**Author's Note: I'm back, and this time with the almost mandatory High School AU. I warn you, people - there will be teenage angst, there will be dating and heartbreak, unrequited crushes en masse, jocks and nerds, slash, femslash, a bit of adult-minor romance, horrible parenting, and sudden changes of style. **

**I hope ya'll enjoy!**

_Summer break, 2006_

The heat made the air shimmer and when the young man squinted against the light, the retreating figure got an almost ethereal look, the settling sun making his hair shine in different shades if gold and amber like a halo around their head.

"Are you two going out?" he asked the girl behind him, who was busy checking the cash register now that her friend and their last costumer has left. He paused his sweeping and leaned against the bare wall next to the refrigerator. The shirt clung to his back, damp with sweat.

"Nope," she answered curtly and closed her eyes as she counted soundlessly, her mouth moving with each number. She looked cute with her high ponytail and flushed cheeks, despite the unbecoming, light green shirt their boss made them wear. Hers were stained dark green on the chest and under her arms. He suspected it would be just as dark on her back too.

"Do you think he likes you then? He's been here every day for the entire season." And he had, more or less. He came half an hour before closing and bought the cheapest ice cream they offered and ate it while he chatted with the girl about her day and his.

"God, I hope not." The girl sighed and looked at her coworker with big, worried eyes. "Do you think he-"

"What do you mean by 'God I hope not'?"

"Er," she said, taken aback by his interruption. "Just that I really hope that he doesn't like me that way, I guess." She looked down on the bills in her hand then to the broken fan next to her on the counter, carefully avoiding his accusing gaze. He saw the her grip tighten, crumpling the bills in her hand.

"Why? Isn't he good enough? He's smart and nice and... And okay, so he's a bit younger than you, but from what I've seen he's probably more mature than I am." The back of his shirt was sticking to the wall.

"Don't I know it," the girl muttered and they fell silent, him waiting for her reply, her trying to avoid to say any more.

The freezer was buzzing continuously in the background.

"So?" he asked when he grew tired of waiting. He pushed off the wall and swept the small pile of dirt underneath the doormat, then he turned the sign in the window, declaring to the last few people walking along the docks that they were indeed closed.

"Listen, I know he's amazing, I was his first friend here – he's all you said and more, I'm aware of that! But when I say I hope he doesn't like me like that there's a reason." She met his eyes briefly, her eyes silently praying that he was content. He kept his stare as accusing as ever.

"And what would that reason be?" he demanded and walked slowly to the cupboard to stow away the broom.

"The reason is," the girl started but trailed off, her seeking his compassion but he was coolly awaiting her reply. He walked back to the wall as she stuttered, "the fact is I," and leaned back in the same spot as before.

He looked at her as she clenched her jaw and her fists and took a deep breath, her chest expanding and the fabric tightened around her breasts.

She opened her eyes and met his gaze, a feeling of confidence in her gaze that hadn't been there before. She didn't flinch when she saw the emotions in his eyes.

"I hope he doesn't like me like that because I can never like him like that back." She smiled, as if she only just realized how easy it was to speak and opened her mouth to continue.

x

_Start of school year, 2005_

The car slipped into the parking lot easily and Emily turned the engine off. When she didn't move to unbuckle her seatbelt Spencer didn't either, still too nervous around her to do anything without a long time of considering the consequences. Too scared to make a wrong move and lose the only of his peers who had ever been something other than mean or dismissive of him.

"This isn't going to be easy," Emily said to the windshield. She turned to face him after a while when he didn't answer. "Quantico High is a tough crowd. I should know, I've seen my share of public schools over the years." Spencer offered her a weak smile. "It was a fight for me to get accepted here and you're two years younger than all the kids you'll have classes with..." She trailed off but Spencer knew what was implied.

He was going to be beat up, just like he was back in Vegas.

"I can take care of myself," he stated, sounding more sure of himself than he actually felt. "I always did back..." home. He still hadn't gotten used to Quantico being his home. Still wasn't used to a town where everything wasn't open 24/7 and the where the streets wasn't thickly populated by prostitutes and people trying to sell you useless junk.

Emily smiled to him. "Sure you did," she said and took the keys from the ignition and threw it into the air and caught it easily when it came rushing back down. "But now that you're here I'm going to have to look out for you a bit – I can't have you ruining the good family name."

"I won't. You're a Prentiss I'm a Reid."

"But people will know," she insisted.

Spencer didn't understand why she cared so much about it. He didn't expect her to act all big sisterly. He never had a big sister before, just like Emily never had a younger brother. He wondered if she was trying to prove somebody something. Then he decided that the somebody was probably herself.

"People don't need to know," he said, and in a surprising moment of courage he unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car.

He was halfway to the big building when a girl jumped in front of him, all smiles, blonde hair and bright colors.

"Hi there sweety, you're new!" she stated, her eyes glinting with curiosity and eagerness. "I'm-"

"Leave him alone, Penny," Emily said and stepped up next to him. He glanced at her wondering why she wasn't taking the opportunity he had offered her.

Back in Vegas nobody had wanted to talk to him or be friend with him.

"Ooh, you know him, do you, my lovely raven-haired beauty?" the girl named Penny asked, her eyes moving so quickly from Spencer and Emily that he worried they might take damage.

He always worried about the same whenever he zapped past a tennis game on TV in search for interesting documentaries. He had a suspicion watching tennis might cause whip lashes if you didn't stretch before it started, it was a mystery to him how one would stretch the muscles in the neck though.

"He's my brother," Emily simply said and dragged him along when he opened his mouth to specify.

"That wasn't the entire truth," he insisted, but only when they were out of earshot of the Penny girl.

"I know it wasn't, but I didn't feel like telling Penny the entire truth that easily. But I guess it wasn't the baddest thing that could happen." The beautiful 17-year old smiled to him and let go of his wrist. "In five minutes half the school will know that you and I are related, and then most of the jocks won't bother you."

"Why?" Spencer asked and struggled to keep his messenger back on his shoulder while keeping up with Emily's fast pace.

"Because I tutor them in the subjects they're failing at."

"Oh," was all he managed to say as he was pulled into the office where a big red-haired woman smiled to him and gave him his timetable.

He felt utterly lost when Emily left him in front of the door to Spanish a minute after the bell sounded.

"Where are you going?" he asked, and hated how pathetic and young he sounded.

"I have French now and I'm already late." She looked a bit annoyed but managed a small smile when she noticed how nervous he looked. "But don't worry and just wait for me out here when you're done. We'll walk to Calculus together afterward."

He smiled feebly and she started down the hall, half-running as to avoid coming too late. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door and pushed it open when a muffled voice from the inside invited him in.

"You must be Spencer," the man at the desk said and smiled encouragingly to him. Spencer nodded. "I'm Mr. Anderson," the teacher said and turned to the gathered class. Spencer tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but failed. "Class, this is Spencer Reid. He just moved here from Las Vegas and he only just turned fifteen years old and is therefore two years younger than some of you. He's in this class because he has an IQ of 180-"

"187," Spencer muttered under his breath. The fan above him flapped loud enough to drown out his voice and the teacher ignored the correction and happily chattered on.

"- and is a real genius." Mr. Anderson smiled accomplished to Spencer, completely oblivious to the fact that he had ruined all and every chance of him getting any friends aside from Emily. "Do you have anything to add, Spencer?" He shook his head. "Alright, then. Please sit down next to Jennifer."

Spencer slowly made his way down to the girl who put her hand in the air and the only free seat in the entire class room, making sure to avoid any opportunity to stumble and fall and make a spectacle out of himself. He breathed out a nervous but relieved breath when he settled in the chair and smiled nervously to Jennifer who beamed back.

He was wary immediately.

"Actually, nobody but Anderson calls me Jennifer," she whispered and pushed her book to the middle of the table so Spencer could see where they were. "Call me JJ, all my friends does."

"O-okay," he said tentatively and glanced at the teacher who was babbling along in Spanish, seemingly more than content to hear his own voice.

"So, Spence – can I call you Spence?" He nodded, speechless. "I've heard a lot about you."

"You have?" he said, his voice cracking from nerves.

"I have." She still smiled and Spencer felt a bit less on edge than he had when he had seated himself next to her. "I've heard that you're Emily Prentiss's secret bastard brother, and that you grew up in a brothel in Las Vegas until Elizabeth Prentiss found where you were. Apparently you were kidnapped at birth and she brought you here to offer you a more normal life."

He was speechless again.

"How much of that is true?" JJ asked with a playful glint in her eyes, and flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder.

"None?" Spencer said hoarsely. "I'm her step-brother."

"Oh." The word was a sound of light surprise, but she sounded pleased too and he tried a smile getting one in reply. "It does sound more likely," JJ concluded lightly before nudging him in the side with her elbow and pointing to their left where a big boy with greasy brown hair was asleep across his desk. His mouth was partly open and saliva slowly dripping onto the open book under him.

It was an odd sensation to chuckle with somebody and not be the reason why everyone was having fun.

He decided he could grow used to it.

x

It was only his second day in Quantico High when Spencer was left in front of the doors to the boys' dressing room for his first PE class. JJ had waved to him and told him to meet her by the bleachers before hurrying to the other dressing room, where he had just seen Emily disappear with a wink and an encouraging thumb up.

He took a deep breath, pushed the door open, and timidly stepped in.

It was odd how much this new room resembled the one back in Vegas, how much alike they smelled. Like sour feet, cheap cologne, and sweaty bodies. The sounds were the same too, the shifting of clothes, young men's laughter, loud voices arguing, the occasional sound of someone spraying on deodorant.

"Get a move on," a deep voice rumbled behind him, and Spencer fought a yelp and scurried to the nearest free space. A look behind showed the rumbler to be a lanky boy over six feet tall. He was laughing at something his friend had said and Spencer blushed and started to unbutton his cardigan, his eyes firmly on the PE bag on the bench in front of him.

_Don't look up, don't look around,_ he said to himself while he methodically removed first his cardigan, then the shirt he wore underneath. The knowledge that there were boys undressing around him made him feel acutely aware of himself and exceedingly nervous. He hated that he always perspired more changing his clothes than doing the actual workout.

_Don't look up, don't look around._

"Don't you think he's a bit small to be here with the big boys," a loud voice said and Spencer bit his lip and willed the recurring blush to fade.

"He'll have to play with the girls – we wouldn't want him to get hurt, would we?" The sound of several boys' booming laughter washed over him as he fumbled with the button of his pants. He was super aware that somebody was stepping behind him.

"We wouldn't want the small genius to get hurt, right, Genius?" He stiffened for briefest moment before forcing his hands back into action and they pulled his pants down, leaving him almost naked, completely defenseless.

He hadn't thought far enough he concluded and reached for his shorts, trying to to ignore the boy behind him, but the sound of a whip and sharp and sudden pain on the back of his right thigh made it impossible and he yelped and jumped left, away from the pain's origin.

"Don't try and ignore me, whelp," a boy said and stepped closer.

Spencer felt a shiver run down his back when he saw the angry look in the boy's eyes and drew his hands up in a defensive gesture.

"Leave him alone, George," a voice said behind Spencer and to his great relief and astonishment the boy did. Spencer was almost too afraid to turn around and see who it was but somewhere deep within him he found the nerve to do so.

Oh, gosh.

The boy smiled apologetically and gave a small shrug.

"Sorry about them, George and his goons are always tough on the new guys and you've already gotten yourself a bit of a reputation." He dropped his bag next him. "I'm Derek by the way, Derek Morgan."

Spencer smiled feebly. "Spencer Reid," he introduced.

"I know," Derek said and winked. His smile was big and bright and a line of perfect white teeth enhanced by his just as perfect mocha skin and Spencer felt a stirring in the pit of his stomach that he had come to love and fear.

"I think I'm going to finish changing in the bathroom," he muttered, grabbed his clothes, and rushed off before Derek had a chance to object.

He spent a few extra moments in the small stall to breathe deeply and tell his slowly growing erection to grow the hell back down.


	2. I Confess

**Disclaimer: I think this will be the last disclaimer I'll write to this story, because I sincerely doubt I'll ever get to own CM. I'll let you know if it should happen though!**

**Author's Note: Giving you the first _real _chapter to get the story started properly. Next update will be Thursday and after that I don't know. Anyway - the story's already done being written so it'll just be a matter of me actually posting it ;) I quite like the ending I've cooked up I'll have you know!**

_The evening before start of school, summer 2006_

The dinner table was as silent as always. Spencer was experimenting with using his mashed potatoes to glue the peas together to make them more easily stackable on his fork.

He didn't feel hungry in the least, he thought and put the fork and the neatly stacked twelve peas back on his plate next to the rest of his untouched meal.

He could taste the bile in the back of his throat.

The sounds of the people eating were driving him mad, just like his secret. When Elizabeth put her knife down on her plate with a soft clank it felt like his heart attempted to burst out of his chest. When his father took a deep drunk from his water glass he could _hear_ the swallowing reflexes work. Emily's teeth clashed together as she chewed her food and when she put her cutlery down on the floor it was practically an explosion of sound.

He swallowed.

"Dad," he said hoarsely, and his father looked up from his food. His fingers were pulling at a loose thread of his shirt down in the safety under the table. "Elizabeth, there's something I think you should know." He clenched his hands into fists.

They trembled.

He took a deep breath to try and still at least some of his nerves.

"I'm a lesbian."

Words disappeared from Spencer's mouth. A clank, even louder than the one Emily produced just before, sounded when Elizabeth's fork hit her plate.

Spencer stared at his step-sister across from him, and tried to detect any degree of mockery in her determined facial expression. He found none.

"What did you say?" the cool voice of Elizabeth Prentiss demanded.

"I'm a lesbian," Emily repeated.

"Why do you say that?" her mother asked. Spencer saw out of the corner of his eyes when she leaned back in her chair and put her hands in her lap.

"Because it felt like lying not to tell you," Emily said with a shrug. He was astonished of her nonchalance. Envious of it even.

"How can you be so sure?" Elizabeth demanded and smile formed on Emily's lips.

"It grew kind of obvious when I fell in love with a girl," she said. She leaned forward, her entire posture a challenge to Elizabeth's obvious dislike.

The ex-diplomat looked at her daughter coolly, her face never showing even a hint of emotion. A glance at his father showed William Reid to look just as impassive.

Spencer missed his mother.

"Whatever whim suits you," Elizabeth said and Emily turned pale with anger. She stood from her chair with a force that made it topple backwards.

"It is _not_ a whim," she forced through her clenched teeth. Her nostrils flared and for the briefest part of a second Spencer found the situation somehow amusing.

"Sure it's not," Elizabeth said, but the the slight upturn of the corners of her mouth showed her disbelief.

"If you don't like it, why don't you just throw me out? I'm a grown-up, I can take care of myself – I'll be done with school in a year and I'm smart enough to keep a part-time job while finishing it."

Elizabeth picked up her cutlery again and carefully cut a bite from her steak. "Why should I throw you out when you're bound to regain your senses at some point?" she asked.

Emily gaped at her mother.

Then she turned on her heels and walked stiffly from the dining room.

Spencer put the fork in his mouth and tried to eat the peas. They grew in his mouth, bigger and bigger no matter how much he chewed on it.

He kept his eyes firmly fixed on the plate to hide the tears shimmering in his eyes.

X

_First day of school, 2006_

"Spence, hi there you are." Spencer smiled to JJ and waited for her to come down the hallway so she could fling her arms around him and choke him in a hug, just like they did every time they saw each other first thing Monday mornings.

JJ let him go after a while and smiled brightly, her cheeks red from excitement.

"How've you been?" she asked as they started down the hallway to their classroom.

"Since Saturday afternoon?" Spencer asked with a smile and glanced at her. He was secretly more than pleased for the growth spurt that had happened to him over the summer and the two extra inches it had earned him. He hoped to pass six feet before he was off to college. His mother was quite tall as opposed to his father.

"Shut up," JJ complained and elbowed him in the side. "Just tell me."

"I've been fine." He pulled his lower lip into his mouth and let it go simultaneously while taking a deep breath. "Actually there's something that I have to tell you," he confessed.

"I have something to tell you too," JJ said and stopped.

"My thing is kinda big," Spencer said.

"So is mine. Kinda huge to be more precise." Her face was solemn, serious to a goose-bump-inducing degree.

"Alright then – you go first." He could always tell her afterwards.

"I've kinda gone and – you know – gotten myself a..." The rest of the sentence was an intelligible mumbling.

"A what?" Spencer asked, frowning.

Deep breath.

"A boyfriend."

"Oh. But, that's great JJ," Spencer said, a big smile growing to show how pleased he was on her behalf. "Who? Did you meet someone new over the summer?"

"No, not really," JJ said, a smile growing when she saw his reaction.

"How could you anyway – all you ever did this summer was work..." A cold feeling of dread spread in Spencer's body.

"God, don't I know it." JJ didn't detect his change of mood and beamed to him.

"Is it someone you met through work?" Spencer asked.

"You could say that."

"Is it... Is it Derek?" JJ nodded cheerfully, showing Spencer all her teeth in a blinding grin. "Oh, that's great, JJ," he declared and wrapped his thin arms around her, hugging her so tight she couldn't see his face. "Derek seems like such a nice guy too."

"He says the same thing about you," JJ informed him as she pulled away. "And I'm so glad you're glad. Then we can all hang out together – it will be so nice!"

"Yeah," he said breathlessly. "Super nice."

"Oh, what was your big thing?"

"Oh, it's nothing. Not compared to your bomb."

"Spence, come on – tell me."

"No it's just, apparently we have all our classes together."

"That's awesome," JJ insisted. "Oh, I'll just go and compare mine and Derek's timetables too!"

Spencer watched his best friend skip down the hallway while something dark and ugly roared in his chest and tore his heart into pieces, too small to be properly measured.

x

Early fall, 2006

The air was still hot, surprisingly hot for mid September and Spencer was damp with sweat, even dressed in his light t-shirt; something he would never wear anywhere else but the safe confinement of their house. Emily had insisted that they shut down the air conditioning and opened the windows to let in the smell of the summer ending.

He hadn't spoken much with Emily since she grasped her chanced and outed her sexuality to their parents. In some sense he hadn't forgiven her for doing that, and some distant parts of him hated her for showing him how it would be. He sill cared for her deeply, of course. He was the sister he often wished he had gotten earlier in his life. It would have saved him a great deal of trouble and some of the harsher bullying he had taken.

But it was surprisingly awkward to spend an afternoon alone with her.

"Do I make you uncomfortable?" she asked all of a sudden and Spencer looked up from his math book to find her watching him, her own book lying abandoned on the floor next to her armchair.

"No," he said and glanced at the book in his lap, before casually memorizing which page he had gotten to and closing it. "I just don't know what to say," he admitted.

"You don't have to say anything. If I want your opinion I'll ask for it."

"You just did."

Emily smiled mischievously and pulled her school bag up, and started searching for something in it. "Mind if I smoke?" she asked and pulled a crumbled pack of cigarettes up.

"Please do it by the window – Elizabeth won't like it," Spencer said, and watched her silently as she tensed a bit but left for the window. She positioned herself on the window pain, one leg dangling down on the inside, the other supporting her weight in front of her.

"Sometimes I'm sure I hate her."

"Don't say that."

"But it's true." She lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply. "I was so nervous about telling her that I barfed the second I got into the bathroom afterwards," she said with exhale. Spencer felt his anger for her diminish. "I just had to tell it, you know."

Spencer nodded. He knew more than she could know.

"Do you think it makes me a different person?"

"No."

"Then why don't you know what to say?" Her gaze was dark, searching for the right response. A response he didn't have a clue about.

"I'm sixteen – I'm practically a child compared to you." Her burst of laughter was sharp and broke the tense atmosphere easily. "And girls are known to mature quicker than boys. I'm more like four years behind you in psychological development."

"Boys aren't you, Spencer. Both you and I know you're special." She took another drag of her cigarette and blew rings when she exhaled. "I've started writing poetry."

"Really?" Spencer frowned and repositioned himself in his chair, while he tried to imagine what sort of poetry his step-sister would write.

"Yeah, it sucks though. Either it's too dark and brooding or too light and pink. I can't seem to balance it."

"What do you write about?" Spencer found himself asking. He was oddly curious.

"This girl I'm in love with," Emily said causally.

"Who?" Spencer didn't understand Emily's weird smile and her shrug made it even harder to tell. "What about her do you write about?"

"I don't write about her – I write about what I want to do to her." Her smile turned teasing. "Why? Did you hope I would tell you about the color of her perfect hair? About her beautiful eyes and magnificent mouth?"

"I'm just curious," Spencer insisted and hoped she would interpret his slight brush as heat.

"Well, I write about completely different things. I write how much I want to hold her and whisper promises of whole worlds and all the riches they hold. How I'd touch and taste her entire body and ache for her to return the favor." Her gaze turned intense, daring. "How much I want to kiss her most secret parts and fuck her cunt with my fingers until she she screams my name and comes."

Spencer looked away, unable to fight the shudder.

"What was that?" Emily stubbed her cigarette out and threw it in the grass outside. "That reaction? What was that?" She left the window and stalked across the room halting in front of Spencer in his chair.

"Nothing," Spencer insisted. "And you shouldn't throw your cigarette outside – your mother will find it."

"I don't care about her. I care about you – do I disgust you?" She leaned forward, putting her hands on the arms rests, and leaning her weight on them. Spencer was trapped and she looked at him with a look he had never seen on her before. Her eyes were begging for something, and he had no idea of what. "Is that why you don't know what to say to me? Do you think I'm disgusting and unnatural?"

"No not you, I just-"

"You just what? You're a healthy teenage boy? A bit odd maybe, but you desire as much as I do – I hear you sometimes." Her eyes shone.

His face was scarlet, he was sure.

"I-I-I-"

"You-you-you what? Tell me, Spencer! Tell me why!" Spencer realized Emily was fighting to hold back tears and his fear quickly drained away.

"I don't like girls."

She looked at him blankly for a minute before understanding swept across her features and she slumped, her head falling forward and hiding her face.

"Oh god." Wetness dripping down on Spencer's hands. "God, I'm so glad." Spencer watched as she folded under his gaze, knees hitting the floor and her head staying down, her tears hidden under her hair, against his thigh.

"Me too," Spencer said and his hand hovered awkwardly over her head for a moment until he took a chance and positioned it softly on her shoulder instead.

"Do anyone know?" she asked, her voice muffled against his leg.

"No."

"Not even JJ?"

"Not even her."

"Do you like anyone?"

"Yes."

"How much?"

"So much it hurts."

Emily looked up, her eyes slightly red, but her face otherwise unmarked by the tears staining his pants. "Really?"

"I want to be held by him and swear him my eternal love. I want to kiss and caress every inch of his body and assure him that he never needs to reciprocate. I want to be loved by him, to give him my first time, my best time, my last time and I call his name in my heart every time I..." He cleared his voice. "Well, you know."

Emily grinned at him. "I sure do." She patted his leg. "Well, aren't we a sad pair? Hopeless I'd say even."

"Do you mind telling me who it is now?"

"Yes."

"Why? Perhaps I could tell you whether she might like women too – I've noticed that I'm good to read people."

"Really?" Emily's smile was teasing and he mock glared at her.

"It comes as a surprise to most."

"Sure." She laid her head down on his thigh, looking out of the window she occupied only a minute before. "But it doesn't matter anyway – she has a boyfriend and is as happy and straight as can be."

"I'm sorry," Spencer told her and put his hand back on her shoulder. "De-the one I like has a girlfriend."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

"You know – sometimes I just want to scream at her and tell her to look and me and see me! She makes me so angry because she's so perfect and right there and still completely beyond my reach."

"Isn't that kind of violent."

"Why would I care? My love is unrequited and completely out of reach."

"Mine is dating my best friend," Spencer blurted, his eyes widening when he realized what he had just admitted. Emily shot up and fixed him with a surprised open-eyed stare.

"You're in love with Derek Morgan?" she asked incredulously. Spencer nodded speechlessly and watched her, feeling amazed as she laughed and laughed and laughed, tears springing to her eyes and running down her cheeks.

"I'm in love with JJ," she told him with a small smile after calming down. "Have been for what seems like years."

"JJ?" Emily's smile turned sheepish. "You're acting surprisingly cold towards the object of your affection as far as I know."

"I have to hide it, don't I," Emily said defensively. Her face got a thoughtful look. "What do you say we try and break them up? Show them how perfect for them we are and that that big oaf Morgan will never make her happy?"

"Don't call him that." She stuck her tongue out at him and Spencer looked back disapprovingly. "Besides I don't want to show him how much better it would be with me, he's... I haven't known him for that long, but I think I've harbored a bit of a crush of him ever since I met him."

"Aw! You're so cute," Emily cooed and reached up to pat his cheek.

"And you're interrupting. What I tried to say was, that even though I haven't known him for that long and only recently started developing such _intense_ feelings for him – I've never seen him this happy before. It's like JJ really brightens up his life and I don't want to take that away from him. I just want him to be happy, I need him to be happy."

Emily looked away mournfully.

"You're right. Of course you are." She got clumsily to her feet, brushing her knees of invisible dust before turning around and fixing Spencer with another of her weird looks. "And big surprise – you turned out to be the grown-up of us anyway. I should've known."

She left him in his chair and closed the door softly behind her when she exited the room.


	3. Get Out

**Author's Note: Now, my lovelies. Chapter three, one of the shortest of this teeny ten-shot. I really like all you peop's reviewing and I just want to say, I'm not American and I know next to nothing about your school system. If I write anything WRONG let me know and I'll try and see if it's fixable. If I don't let me know too :)**

October 2006

JJ had gone to the bathroom with Elle and Alexa and Derek and Spencer stood outside, the silence between them thick enough to cut through with a knife. Derek smiled to a group of his teammates passing by. Spencer shifted his weight from his right to his left foot.

"Did you finish with the problems for Calculus?" Derek asked suddenly and Spencer wanted to kiss him for breaking the awkward silence.

"Yes," he said, eagerly jumping on the opportunity. "I did that last week."

"That was fast," Derek said and smiled. "I think it's hard, you know. I can't seem to get it to make sense, which is damn annoying since I'm usually good at math."

"It's not really that difficult," Spencer said and pulled the strap of his bag further up his shoulder. "If you want I could help you?"

Derek got a weird look on his face and Spencer decided against deciphering it.

"That would be great man, really, but JJ already offered and, you know, she's my girlfriend and all. But thanks for offering, man. But maybe," Derek glanced at the closed door to the ladies' room and took a step closer to Spencer and continued in a lowered voice, "maybe you could help me out if she useless at tutoring? You know, as a secret? Between us guys?" Spencer nodded, completely out of breath and absolutely speechless. Derek grinned back.

x

"You know what makes me sick?" Emily asked Spencer a late afternoon while they were sitting in their back yard doing homework silently next to each other and enjoying what the newscast swore was the last day of the summer.

"Mushrooms," Spencer replied absentmindedly, being aware of her allergy and he was therefore very surprised when Emily smacked his thigh with her Chemistry book. "Ouch! Why did you do that?"

"What makes me sick, is that even though I'm out of the closet, no one actually knows!"

"That's not true," Spencer objected. "I know, and my father and Elizabeth-"

"Beside the three of you. No one at school knows."

"You want to tell people at school?" Spencer asked with raised eyebrows. "Do you think that's a good idea."

"I think it's a terrible idea," Emily said casually and leaned a bit closer to him. "But if I want even the smallest chance of getting to be with JJ I need her to know that I might be interested."

"So you want her to know that you're gay?"

"Yes. If she's harboring the slightest interested in me at all she might get the push she needs to do something about it."

"Why don't _you_ just do something?"

"It's not that easy," Emily claimed and rubbed her eyes. "I can't lay it all out there. It would be just like you confessing your feelings to Derek. How terrified of that thought are you?"

"Beyond words," Spencer confessed with a shiver.

"As I thought. I'm going to tell Penny that I'm gay tomorrow-"

"You want the _entire_ school to know?" Spencer asked and stared at her with wide eyes.

"Yes," Emily said and smiled at something far away. "Otherwise I can't be sure _she_ knows."

She left him in what felt like a hurry so Spencer kept quiet and didn't say that he could always tell JJ. She was after all his best friend.

A bird took flight from the tree over their heads.

x

The girl was lying on her stomach on the bed, busy not studying while thinking all the thoughts she wished she could avoid. Her friend was doing something on her computer, tapping the mouse every so often.

They did this on a regular basis, hanging out. Sometimes they studied, sometimes they talked, and sometimes they just sat back to back in worlds of their own.

"What are you doing over there?" she asked when her thoughts started to strangle her.

"Facebook," the boy replied.

"Are you logged in as me?" she asked and dropped the pencil she had used to tap on her book absentmindedly so she could lean on her arm and look at him.

A guilty silence followed.

"Yes," he finally said.

"It makes the stalking even creepier," she commented and smiled.

"Shut up," he said and tilted his head as he looked at the pictures. "I talked to him a couple of days ago, actually."

"Yeah?" the girl said and sat.

"Yeah. He offered to help me with math."

"But I already-"

"That's what I said," he interrupted. "It would be nice though."

"I don't have to do it. I'm sure he will be more than fit to help you."

"I actually got him to promise to help me in secret if you turned out to be useless."

"Well, aren't you the nice guy," she said deadpan.

"Do you think I should?"

"It's a great chance to get to know him better, and he's a really sweet guy."

"I guess that's a yes to him then. And I wouldn't even be lying, I'm not learning anything from you." He ducked as she chucked the pencil at him and he threw it back chuckling. It hit her square in the forehead.

"Football jerk," she said and laid back down.

"Soccer freak," he said with a smile, his concentration already back on the screen in front of him.

X

The brunette found the blonde in the library at the table everybody knew was hers, even if they didn't have personal seats. If you tried to sit in her seat your grades dropped and you somehow skipped half your classes even if your swore you've been present for every single one.

It was a sort of magic.

Penelope Garcia had more power than you expected from a normal high school student, but considering that all her teachers were actually afraid of giving her bad grades she could hardly be classified as normal even if she was a high school student.

Her fellow students loved and feared her with equal force. Loved her, because she knew everything and wasn't afraid of sharing her knowledge with you, especially if you could tell her something she didn't already know. Feared because if she knew everything, she knew everything about you too, and she had probably already told someone.

Not everyone was very fond of her, but with her and Derek Morgan being old friends, going all the way back before Elementary School, you thought a second time before considering hurting her in any way.

Not that she wouldn't be more than capable of getting revenge on her own.

Emily was bold enough to disregard the standoffish attitude the usually sunny girl sported and sat down across from her.

"Hello Penny," she said and received a glare in reply. "I though you might like to chat with me."

"And why would I do that, beautiful but apparently quite dim star of the track and field team?" Penelope asked coolly.

"Because I'm about to tell you something you didn't know and I want you to share it with the rest of our beloved institution of learning."

"You think there's something I don't know?" Penelope asked, snapping her laptop shut with an annoyed movement.

"I know so," Emily said with certainty.

"Please, then, inform me of whatever seemingly new piece of information you have. I'm all ears." She folded her hand on top of her PC and looked at Emily blankly.

"I'm a lesbian."

"That's not funny," Penelope said her jaw clenched angrily.

"But it's true." Emily smiled at the frown on Penny's face. "I'm a lesbian."

"Why are you telling me this?" the blonde asked, her confusion shining through in her every word.

"Why am I outing myself to the school's most renowned gossip when this is surely a thing I'd want to keep to myself?" Penelope nodded without a word. "I want the girl I'm in love with to know."

"You in love with a girl from school?" Penelope demanded to know, her eyes fixed on Emily while her hands busied themselves with opening her laptop and writing what was probably her password.

"I think that was implied," Emily said with a small smile. She stood. "I will go now, please don't tell people about the girl," she said and left the library.

Penelope was typing furiously when Emily returned a few minutes later.

"You know what I said about telling people about the girl?" Penelope looked up and gave a small nod. "I realized I didn't mind. Tell everybody."

She grinned to herself when she left the library for the second time in as many minutes

x

"I think JJ is the coolest girl I've ever met," Derek said before pulling his shirt over his head. "Maybe second coolest, my girl Penny is pretty damn rad."

"Why do you say that all of a sudden?" Spencer asked and forced his eyes away from the no longer naked chest.

"So it wouldn't sound like I'm dissing your best friend when I beg you to tutor me in math." Derek grinned, folded his hands and widened his eyes. "Please, Spencer Reid, will you teach me the mysteries of calculus, because my girlfriend isn't making any sense and you did promise not to tell anyone?"

Spencer never could decide if he hated or loved PE. He hated the running and sweating and that people always laughed at him, but he loved, loved, _loved_ changing clothes before and afterwards. Especially after Derek decided that him dating JJ made the two of them best friends.

"Of course I'll help you. But if she finds out we're blaming you." He also loved the big grins Derek would direct to him frequently. They just brightened his surroundings at all occasions. "When would you like to do it?"

"I'm thinking Wednesdays in the hour between we get off and practice? I'm pretty sure Gideon won't punish me too hard if I'm late because of me studying extra for his class."

"Reasonable."

"How does it fit you?"

"Perfectly. I don't really have that much going on after classes."

"You don't have any clubs?" Derek asked and sat down to put on his sneakers.

"No. I considered the mathleetes, but they didn't impress me. I find that I learn more from studying by myself."

"Doesn't that get kinda lonely?" Derek asked, a worried frown on his face.

Spencer loved that he seemed to care so much about him.

And he should probably make a list of all the things he love about him, that would make things easier.

"Emily and I usually study together. As in in the same room. But sometimes I miss someone to discuss with. That's why I look forward to college – the professors seemed quite eager to discuss with me when I went to the interview."

"You went to an interview?" Derek gaped. "When?"

"Before we moved here," Spencer admitted and looked down on his shoes.

"That's ages ago, man. Why haven't you gone to college yet?"

"My father wanted me to come here for a few years first."

"Oh, okay." Derek rose and grabbed his bag. He smiled. "Well, I'm glad you decided to com anyway."

Spencer's heart nearly burst through his chest.

x

She didn't notice it at first.

She was walking with Spencer down the hall, him on his way to Spanish her on her way to French. She was busy trying to keep up with her step-brothers pace while simultaneously trying to find her cell in the bottomless pit of a bag she used to carry her books around in. Then Spencer elbowed her in the side.

"What?" she asked in a hiss, glaring at him from underneath her bangs.

"I think it worked," he replied out of the corner of his mouth.

What worked? She wanted to ask, but looked around on the other students. Every single one of them looked away from her when her gaze fell upon them.

A smirk found its way to her face.

"It seems it did," she said casually. She felt the cell phone with her fingertips and dove deeper to get a proper grip on it, halting to be able to concentrate properly on the movement. Spencer stopped few steps in front of her. She walked up to him again. "Do they look at me a lot?" she asked quietly.

"Kinda," Spencer replied, his voice just as hushed as hers.

"I guess that comes with the territory," she commented dryly, but inside it amused her enormously.

"What territory?" Spencer asked and she rolled her eyes.

"You're too literal for your own good, but let's just say it's the territory befallen to the high school's local 'out and proud'-persona." He gave her a look that spoke lengths and she gave him a reassuring smile in reply.

"I hope you know what you asked for," Spencer said and halted in front of his class room.

"So do I," Emily responded truthfully. She glanced around the quickly and leaned closer. "Please notice how she reacts to all this. I want to hear about it in detail when we get home later today."

Spencer nodded, smiled and went into the room and Emily held her head high, turned around, and started into the stream of teenagers, all shooting her looks and whispering together when they thought she didn't see.

A part of her was laughing her ass off, but most of her was horrified for what Spencer would tell her later.


	4. Complications

**Author's Note: I don't think I say how much I love you guys as much as I think it. I do that a lot - I tend to brag to my friends that I'm big on the Interwebs. It's you guys that make me what I am. So thank you, I am eternally grateful that you want to read my stuff! **

JJ was waiting for him in her usual seat, her body language restless as she fidgeted with the pencil and papers laid out in front of her.

"Spence," she called immediately when she saw him enter the class room, waving her hand to ensure that she got his attention. He smiled wanly and hurried down beside her.

"Hi, JJ," he said and dropped his bag next to his chair.

"Spence," she said and leaned towards him with the oddest intense look he had ever seen on her. "Do Emily know that people are talking about her?" Her obvious worry surprised him.

"She does."

"Does she know what they're _saying_ about her?" Her eyes were wide with disbelief and some other emotion Spencer found hard to categorize.

"That's she's gay?" JJ nodded. "She knows that too. Actually it's her own fault they're saying it, she insisted on making sure everyone knew."

"So it's true?" JJ asked with a gasp. "She's a lesbian?"

"Yes, why, does it bother you?" Spencer asked defensively. JJ might be his best friend, but Emily was his sister in everything but blood, and even though it would break his heart to choose between them his choice was still obvious.

"NO!" JJ exclaimed, louder than she had intended judging by her sheepish look afterwards. "No, not at all. I'm just surprised is all."

"Surprised?" Spencer asked and looked up when Mr. Anderson closed the door to the class room after him.

"Yes," JJ whispered. "I didn't suspect her of being gay."

Spencer shrugged and turned his attention to the talking man at the black board.

"Never her," JJ seemed to breathe beside him, but he wasn't sure and it was difficult to be certain while their close to useless teacher was chattering on about his cow in broken Spanish.

x

_Summer 2006_

_Who was he to judge?_

_She raised her gaze from the cash register and met his head on, not flinching from the emotions she saw in his eyes. "I hope he doesn't like me like that because I can never like him like that back." She smiled when she realized how easy it was to say. "Because I'm a lesbian."_

_The boy's gaze didn't waver, it just kept stubbornly clashing with hers in a raging fight of wills._

"_You're a lesbian?" he asked slowly, as if he was tasting every word before it left his lips. _

"_Yes," she replied softly, her courage having left her with her bold admission. The buzzing of the freezer almost drowned out the word._

"_How sure of that are you?" _

_She narrowed her eyes at the odd question, but shrugged. "Boys never did much for me and then I realized that the person I was dreaming about at night was a girl."_

"_So you like a girl?"_

"_I'm in love with a young woman," she said with a strength that amazed her. It felt so good to say out loud. She just wanted to shout it for the entire world to hear, but the consequences were too extensive. _

"_You just like girls."_

"_Yes," she clarified. Her friend let his head fall against the wall he was leaning against, rubbing a hand over his eyes. _

"_So you don't like boys?" _

"_Not like that." _

_He started laughing, loudly and wildly, like he just couldn't stop and she chuckled a bit at his violent show of amusement even if she had no idea what inspired it in him. He slid to the floor, crouching, hiding his face in his hand._

"_Did you say something?" she asked when she thought she might have heard him say something muffled against his palms._

"_I did," he said and lifted his face from his hands. "I said 'I do'." He looked at her tentatively._

"_You do what?" she asked in confusion. It felt like she had missed some part of their conversation, but still that what he said made perfect sense. A drop of sweat ran from her hair line and down her spine under her shirt. Her bra stopped it just below her shoulder blades. _

"_I like boys."_

_Her breath left her and refused to return. He looked at her with a grim smile. The urge to laugh attacked her and she gave in and threw her head back and roared with laughter. Soon he joined her, their voices dancing together and tears pouring down her cheeks. She abandoned the money on the counter and joined him on the floor, leaning against the wall._

"_I'm in love with someone too," he admitted after a minute of companionable silence. "Your best friend."_

"_I'm in love with his sister," she said and leaned her head against his shoulder. "What are we going to do, a pair of freaks of nature like us?"_

"_You don't want to try your luck with her?" he asked and rested his cheek against her scalp._

"_What are the chances she likes me back?" she asked rhetorically._

"_What are my chances he likes me back?" he asked her in reply._

"_Not good I'm afraid. He seems completely oblivious to anything pertaining romance or sex."_

"_I thought so." He sighed and pressed a kiss to where his cheek once rested. "We should keep together, don't you think?" he suggested and she could only nod._

"_What a pair we make."_

"_But," he said and she looked up at his thoughtful face, "why don't we?" he looked down on her, hope etched in every feature._

"_Why don't we what?" she asked._

"_Why don't we pretend to be dating, then people won't think as much of it if we're acting queer," he suggested with a wink._

"_What are you proposing?" she asked and straightened, so she could look him properly in his eyes. He turned around slightly so they were face to face. _

_"Will you be my fake girlfriend until we graduate and go to college, where we can properly experiment?"_

_A smile grew on her face, "why yes, I'd actually like that."_

_He sealed the deal by pressing a kiss against her forehead._

x

The silence in the car was stifling and he wondered more than once why she didn't just ask during the drive back home, but he let her decide the pace.

It was her it concerned,

"So?" she asked when she had made sure their parents weren't home and the front door was securely locked against all their nosy neighbors.

"So what?" he asked and dropped his bag so he could shrug off his jacket.

"Don't try that with me Spencer, you know exactly what. Tell me." Emily was inches away from his face and he took a step back.

"I don't know. Her reaction was mostly surprise but there was something else that I couldn't quite define. I still find it very vexing." He shrugged and fled to the kitchen in the search of something to eat. He felt like cookies.

"Yeah, that's great, but what does that mean? Did she shy away in disgust? Might she perhaps be at least a bit bi-curious?" She jumped onto the kitchen table while he started rummaging the kitchen cupboards for anything interesting and edible.

"Well, she claimed that she wasn't disgusted and I didn't get that impression either, but I'm afraid it might be a long shot to hope for her to reciprocate." He pulled a packet of raisin and whole grain cookies out and settled for the healthy option in the lack of better alternatives.

"Yeah, I thought so. Can't hurt a girl for trying though." She laid back on the table and Spencer sat next to her on a chair struggling to tear open the plastic.

"But hoping will make it hurt more," he commented before she ripped the package out of his hands and opened it with a practiced movement.

"Shut up, Spencer, you aren't making it any better," Emily groaned and put her hands over her eyes and Spencer did as asked and munched his cookies in silence, obediently ignoring the tear that slipped through her fingers.

x

Spencer was just closing the door to his locker when the door behind him opened and a watery-eyed Penelope left Aaron Hotchner, the councilor's, office. The older man looked after her with a worried look on his face as she walked briskly down the hallway end turned into the ladies' room further down. He shot Spencer a tight and very brief smile before turning to retreat to his office when Spencer got the oddest idea.

"Wait, excuse me – Mr. Hotchner? Can I talk to you for a minute?"

The man turned around and gave him a once-over, clearly trying to remember Spencer's name. "Please just call me Hotch, Mr. Hotchner was my father. You're Spencer Reid, right?" Spencer nodded. "Well then, shouldn't you be in class now, Spencer?"

"I have a free period."

"Oh. And you wanted to talk?" Spencer nodded again and picked nervously at the zipper on his messenger bag. Hotch eyed the movement carefully. "Then please step into my office."

Aaron Hotchner was curiously young, Spencer reflected as he entered the room and closed the door silently behind him. He did have a reputation for being short of head, drier than the desert in Nevada in August, and the only grown-up in school to actually listen to what the students were trying to say. Spencer himself thought he was intimidating with his dark hair, eyes, and gaze.

Rumor had it that his wife had died not long after their first kid was born.

"So, Spencer, what do you think of doing next year?" Hotch asked and settled into his chair. A laptop was placed in front of him, but his eyes rested heavily on Spencer alone. It was disconcerting to receive so much attention from a single person.

"I'm going to MIT."

"You sound very certain of that." The councilor folded his hands in his lap.

"I was offered a full ride right before we moved here."

"Then why did you go here and not to MIT?" Hotch sported a light frown, as if he really cared to know why. It still felt disconcerting but surprisingly nice. Hotch listened with the same intensity Emily did, it occurred to Spencer.

"Father wanted me to come with him here. He said he wanted me to have at least a few years of normalcy before I was rushed off to college before time."

"And so you came here? To Virginia?"

"I didn't come here to talk about my father and why I'm not in college already," Spencer said. Hotch's questioning was leading to some of his other issues. Issues he didn't have the mental capacity to process at the moment, not with everything else going on.

"Okay?" Hotch leaned forward in his chair, resting his elbows on the desk in from of him. "What did you wan to talk to me about then?"

"I'm in love, and I'm in doubt about what to do about it."

The left corner of Hotch's twitched upwards for a fraction of a second, but noticeable enough for Spencer to get slightly annoyed.

"Tell her about it?" Hotch suggested. He leaned back in his chair.

"It's not that easy," Spencer objected.

"Tell me about it then, apparently you wanted to."

"I... I don't know what to say, really."

"Have you told anyone about it?"

"Emily. Emily Prentiss, my step-sister. She's in a similar situation."

"In what way?" The way Hotch squinted made Spencer really that the man in front of him was aware of the rumor about Emily. If you could call it a rumor, as she had been the one to start it.

"She's also in love with someone who's already in a relationship. A healthy and happy relationship."

"Oh," Hotch said and scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Maybe you shouldn't tell her then."

"My thought exactly."

"How does the thought of not telling her make you feel."

"Heartbroken," Spencer replied without thought, the answer instantly popping to mind. "It feels like my chest is trying to implode."

"That sounds uncomfortable," Hotch commented. Spencer shrugged. "Love has the potential to be the best _and _the worst thing in the world. For instance, I met Haley in high school and made a fool out of myself to get her attention, which I got. We married right after and then when I was halfway through law school Jack, our son, came. Three months later Haley was in a car accident and she died in the hospital."

"I'm sorry," Spencer said and Hotch gave him a weak smile.

"So was I. The thing about your heart trying to implode? My heart shattered. All and everything I did afterwards I did for Jack – if I hadn't had him I don't know what I would have done. I still loved her with all my might and I was certain I would never care for anybody the way I did for her." The man fell silent, but Spencer could almost hear the words unspoken.

"Then what?" he asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.

"Then I met someone else," Hotch said, a weary smile thinning his lips. "And I don't feel for her the way I felt for Haley, but it's just as powerful and a thousand times too wrong."

"I'm in love with my best friends boyfriend," Spencer found himself saying. Hotch gazed at him, his smile sad and sympathetic.

"Love is the worst thing in the world at times, but still I wouldn't live without it." He laid his head back, closing his eyes. "But I think you should perhaps wait for a bit with telling Derek about your feelings. He and JJ seem pretty happy together if you ask me."


	5. Easy As

**Author's Note: This will be the last chapter before Christmas - I'll let you have the rest afterwards and stuff. I haven't really heard from you readers out there and I'm trying to decide whether you're too stressed to review or to read at all? Gimme a heads up that you're still with me? **

**Guys?**

November, 2006

Derek gaped at the paper in front of him, now covered with Spencer's crooked writing.

"I can't believe it, it actually _is_ just as easy as you claimed." He looked up at Spencer with a twinkle in his eye. "When I learned how to decipher your writing that is."

"I find it hard to comprehend that I managed to help you where JJ failed," Spencer said as he collected his writing utensils and organized them back into his pencil case. "She's a very intelligent girl."

"Just because you're intelligent doesn't mean that you're good at teaching."

"I suppose," Spencer conceded and looked up to find Derek look at him.

"I guess it was partly my fault too," the other said. "I didn't really let her do any teaching."

"Oh," Spencer said and dropped his eyes. Sometimes when he and Derek were studying alone together he would forget about all the annoying facts, like that Derek were dating JJ, his best and most beloved friend. And of course that he weren't gay nor longed to tear off Spencer's clothing.

He did that sometimes in Spencer's fantasies.

Which he had stopped doing much with after Emily let him now that she could hear him during.

"You know what?" Derek asked.

"No?" Spencer forced his eyes back up, and found Derek to look at him thoughtfully.

"You're actually quite attractive. I mean, when I was sixteen I was all bad skin and bad hair-"

"I'm aware, I saw the afro when I started here."

"Hey, man," Derek objected with a grin. "Don't diss the 'fro! I had that look rocking for me." Spencer gave him a disbelieving look – even if he had very poor sense of fashion and cared less than not at all about his clothes he knew when enough was enough and when shaved was preferred to hairy. "Alright," Derk concurred, "so that time wasn't the prime of my stunningly good looks, but that wasn't the point anyway. The point is, that you're kind of a pretty boy. Without the whole obsessive dressing and hair-styling part of it. You like a natural beauty!" He looked very accomplished.

"I don't know whether to feel offended or flattered."

"Why would you feel offended?"

"Pretty is usually an adjective used to describe females. You're hurting my masculinity by referring to me as such."

"Sorry," Derek said without sounding like he meant it. He didn't look like he did either. "It's still my honest opinion that you're pretty. Pretty Boy." He grinned

"Are you going to call me that now?" Spencer asked and rose from his chair, pulling his bag onto the table so he could start packing it.

"I think I just might," Derek said and beamed at him.

"Great, just great," Spencer said as he struggled to fit all his books in the bag. "But, just to clarify," he said when he fit all into it and pulled it onto his shoulder, "your current look looks a lot better than the afro. I like it."

He actually wanted to stroke his hand over it to find out how it felt, but he thought that that admission might be taking it too far. Derek was still dating JJ, nothing had changed just because Derek had called him attractive. Even if it did make the butterflies in the pit of Spencer's stomach stir.

"I might just keep it then," Derek said and smiled. "Same time next week?" Spencer nodded and left the library, not thinking too much about why Derek would still like to study when he obviously already learned what he was supposed to teach him. He didn't really care about it anyway.

x

"How was training then?" The had met outside the changing rooms. The football team had had their last training outside, and would start the fitness training next week. She had lead the girls' soccer team on their run after Rossi had started criticizing the state of their staminas.

"It wasn't that tough, Gideon was being soft on us, season having ended and such. He warned us against the training programs he's been cooking up for us though."

"Sounds tough," she commented with a smile and their hands found each other, more from duty than affection.

"Not as tough as your training looked. I lost count of how many laps you were running. Actually I lost count with how many laps Alexa ran and as I recall she's second string. And you were in front of the entire team during the entire run."

"I suppose I was a bit tough today. Rossi wouldn't run if his life depended on it so he put me in charge."

"I'm pretty sure I heard someone refer to you as bitch when you passed us on your way back to the dressing rooms," he commented and prodded her with his free hand. "I thought a captain should be well liked by her team."

"Well, sometimes she doesn't care and I was just so..." She made a frustrated noise to describe her feelings and halted, forcing him to stop too. "Did you hear what they were saying today?" He looked at her blankly. "About Emily Prentiss?"

"I did," he said carefully. "What are you going to do about it?"

"What do you mean with that?" she demanded to know.

"Well, she's gay, just like you – don't you think you have something you should talk about. Like hooking up and discovering the wonders of lesbian sex. Which is what I think about when I try to fight boners."

"Talking about boners," she said with a sneaky look. "How is tutoring coming? Are you learning anything?"

"Of course I am, he's got to be the smartest person ever to attend Quantico High – if he couldn't make me understand I doubt anyone could."

"That wasn't what I meant, and besides intelligence doesn't have anything to do with one's ability to teach." He gave her a long tired look.

"I know that. And I know what you meant. It's tough, really really difficult at times. I... I called him Pretty Boy last time and I," he groaned and let go of her hand to rubbed his eyes with a tired movement. "I just want to kiss him and I know I can't so I start to wonder, is this right? Are we doing the right thing? Because apparently you don't want to do anything with the opportunity served to you on a golden platter but I'm not really helping my chances, no matter how small and unlikely they might be. I mean, I'm not exactly sending the 'please take me, I'm yours'-signal by dating the best friend, do you think?"

"Derek," she breathed but he shrugged the consoling hand she placed on his arm off.

"I just want to be with him," he declared meeting her gaze stubbornly. "I just want _him_." She smiled sadly and stroked his hand, this time without him objecting.

"I know," she said softly and he let her take his hand and lead him out of the school to his car.

When the sound of their retreating footsteps faded Penelope stuck her head of half-open doorway, her eyes wide with wonder and a hand clamped tightly over her mouth. She let it drop when she realized she was alone.

"He's," she whispered reverently. "With JJ's best – oh!" She started frantically searching her person for her cell phone, locating it in one of the deep pockets her big skirt hid. "Kevin, answer your damn phone," she muttered as she waited for the call to connect.

"_Yeah_?" a voice sounded from the other end of the line after fifteen seconds of breathless waiting.

"Kevin! It's me – you'll never guess what Derek Morgan just said," she exclaimed eagerly.

"_Of course I won't, not until you tell me_," Kevin said. He was completely in love with her but also in the middle of a rather important raid in World of Warcraft, a game for which she had never shown the passion he had wished for.

"He just said," Penny started but trailed off.

_Derek just said he wanted another boy._

_He just admitted to JJ that he's gay._

_I think she might be gay too._

_If my suspicions are true, Derek Morgan might be in love with Spencer, Emily Prentiss's brother._

"He called me Baby Girl," she heard herself say.

Kevin sighed into his phone, the situation establishing what he already knew and that he never had a chance with his Goddess of Technicolor and Ram.

"That's great," he said without any enthusiasm and Penelope cringed at the sad note in his voice.

"That's all I wanted to tell you," she said cheerfully. "Talk to you tomorrow." She ended the call and looked down the empty hall, where two of the most popular kids in school had just passed and wondered why love had to be so difficult.

She glanced at the office across the hall and noted to her disappointment that the lights were off. Then she went back into the classroom, gathered her stuff and went home.

x

"Spence, there you are, what on earth is that?"

Spencer looked down on his chest where a great green Christmas tree adorned his otherwise red sweater. He shrugged and tried to avoid his friend's shocked stare.

"Emily argued that I shouldn't show such enthusiasm for Halloween if I didn't show the same for the other great holidays."

"And you let her _win_?" JJ asked with disbelief.

"She had some extremely convincing points. I found it hard to keep up my side of the argument and eventually I had to concede." He thinned his lips at her shocked stare. "And contrary to popular belief I'm not some sort of robot who knows everything."

"No, of course you aren't," JJ said, trying to do a bit of damage control. "And your sweater is really... very... nice." It sounded false even to her own ears and Spencer gave her a slightly disappointed look.

"Did you want anything? I'm on my way to lunch."

"Oh, yeah – that's right!" They started down the nearly abandoned hall. "What are you doing for New Year's?" she wanted to know and Spencer glanced at her while trying to pull the strap of his bag further up his shoulder. It always seemed to want to stay anywhere but the spot he wanted it to be.

"I don't know. I'll probably excuse myself from whatever company father and Elizabeth invites over and then lock myself in my room, reading. Maybe I'll watch some TV, your boyfriend recommended some science fiction television series to me, and I think it would be a good time to look into it."

"How about coming to a party with me?" JJ asked with a bright smile.

"I don't know," Spencer said hesitatingly. "You know how awkward I feel at parties, they're about as far from my _scene_ as I can possibly get."

"Yeah, I know," JJ said and tugged at his arm with a disarming smile, "but if you don't come I'll be bored. It's one of Derek's teammates who's hosting, you know, Tobias Hankel? No? Anyway – I really don't want to hang on Derek's arm the entire night, in between bouts of trying to avoid Alexa of course."

"I thought you were friends," he said with a frown and tried discreetly, and fruitlessly to free his arm from her vice-like grip.

"We were – are, but she's kinda been... Well, she's been kinda mean lately. Not to me, but she's been talking trash about a lot of people which I'm not very happy about but she just doesn't seem to get that." She gave Spencer a look that told him just _who_ Alexa was trashing and that it included him and probably his sister too.

"If Alexa will be there, why would you want me to come? She'll probably try and beat me up when she gets drunk. She keeps sending me these angry looks," he added and scrounged his nose at how whiny he sounded.

"She thinks you stole me," JJ said and grinned. "I think it's kind of hilarious as it's me leeched onto your side the moment I saw you. You just looked so cute and embarrassed." She grabbed his face and pouted his lips. "You still do, though."

"Will you let go if I promise to come?" Spencer asked, voice slightly muffled by her hand.

"Yay! You're the best, Spence! Oh, and if you want you can ask Emily to come too – then you have someone to talk with when I'm hiding from Alexa in the broom closet or the bathroom."

"Great," Spencer muttered as JJ pulled him to their next class. "Just perfect."


	6. All Night Long I

**Author's Note: So! Christmas is in full swing where I'm from and right now I'm on right about to go build LEGO with my family. I'm 21. I just thought you might want to read what exactly happens in the wee New Year's party mentioned in the last chapter. So here it is - the party PART I!**

_New Year's Eve, 2006_

Spencer couldn't express with words just how much he loathed parties. The only way to _really_ communicate his feelings in a way that other human beings of average intelligence and understanding could comprehend would be for him to scream until his lungs were dying for oxygen and then proceed to pull out big chunks of his hair. Perhaps punch some walls too, if the other was being especially dim.

Yet another drunk girl bumped into him and started apologizing until she burst into a giggly fit of "Oh my God, I'm so _drunk,"_ and Spencer nodded. He had indeed registered her extreme level of drunkenness as this was the fifth time this particular girl had spilled her drink over him and he had actually started looking out for her a bit.

He thought she might suffer from a alcohol intoxication and wondered when it would be the best time to get her to a hospital.

With a sigh he looked down on the can of coke he had saved himself before the seven feet tall guy they referred to as "The Wall" had taken the rest of the sodas to make a big bowl of rum and coke to the great pleasure of almost all the other guests. Apparently he had done it to save time. Spencer hoped he might be able to find some hidden cans of soda somewhere when he finished with his drink – he had noticed a tendency to people randomly giving other people heavily spiked drinks if their hands were empty.

And then there was the music.

Spencer appreciated music, he really did, but this thumping loud bass messed with his heart rhythm and had rendered him partly deaf on _both_ ears. How some of the girls managed to sing along never ceased to amaze him as he couldn't actually detect anyone singing to any of the numbers that were played.

A heavy hand landed on his shoulder and he spilled coke all over his hand when he jumped in surprise. He looked over his shoulder to find Derek shaking with laughter.

"Calm down, Pretty Boy," he shouted so loud his voice wasn't drowned out completely by the music. "It's just me, man."

Spencer smiled feebly at the young man and wished his previously nice dress shirt wasn't so stained by disturbingly pink liquid. Although Derek's simple white tee looked just dressy enough with his dark jeans and Spencer should really keep his eyes on Derek's face if he didn't want him to get suspicious.

"What are you drinking?" Derek yelled inches from Spencer's ear and he could actually feel the hot breath ghost over his cheek and neck.

"Coke," he croaked, and cleared his voice before trying again, this time actually making it audible over the music.

"Neat?" Derek asked in a yell and Spencer nodded.

"Designated driver," he said with a nod at Emily who was laughing loudly at something Kevin Lynch had said, although he looked much more interested in Penelope. Who was looking like she was bored to death and wanted to be anywhere but there.

"Me too," Derek shouted and held his plastic cup up for Spencer to see. "Sprite on the rocks."

"Where is JJ?" Spencer asked with a small frown.

"Not sure," Derek said with a shrug. "Last I saw her she was hiding in the bathroom telling me to tell Alexa she had gone outside to look for her."

"I don't understand why she doesn't tell her that she has no wish for them to be friends anymore," Spencer confided to Derek who widened his eyes and nodded.

"I know, right! That's the only reasonable thing to do!"

"Exactly."

"Yeah."

Spencer looked around in the room and noticed the gathering of people around the couches. He couldn't see JJ but not Alexa either so she was probably still off somewhere hiding. He felt sorry for Emily, as JJ was the only reason she had chosen to come. He looked back to Derek and found him looking at him, face lighting up in a smile.

"So, have you been drinking soda all evening?" Spencer asked and found that he was utterly indifferent to the answer, he just wanted Derek to talk with him. His cheeks warmed a bit at the realization and he hoped he didn't obviously blush.

"No, I had a beer when I came," Derek confessed and gave Spencer a knowing smile. "My mother promised me she would take away my car keys until we graduate if I drove while intoxicated."

"Isn't that more a threat than a promise?" Spencer asked with a confused frown.

"Not if the alternative is her castrating me with a blunt spoon." Spencer's mouth fell open in a shocked O before he nodded and gave Derek a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.

He was stunned by his own boldness.

"Deeereeeeek! Spence! Hi!" JJ appeared as out of nowhere right in front of them and smiled brightly, eyes slightly glazed over, and her gaze out of focus. "We're gonna play spin-the-bottle! You guys should totally join us!" She grabbed their hands and tried to tug them towards the sitting area, where people were forming a circle around where the coffee table had been moments ago.

"I don't think so," Derek said calmly and resisted JJ's insisting hand. Spencer realized someone had turned off the music.

"Party-pooper," JJ declared before turning her begging smile to Spencer. "Spencyyyyy? Please? Pleasepleaseplease?"

"I'm going to have to pass."

"Aw! Not you too." She pouted her adorable and completely inefficient pout and crossed her arms when they didn't budge. "Well, I'll play. You two just stay here and be boring." She stomped off and Spencer caught Emily's stunned look when the blonde chose to sit down next to her.

"Do you think they're going to be loud?" Spencer asked as he watched some of the guys move the big armchairs further back so people could sit on the floor. They were laughing boisterously and flirting with the giggling girls and Spencer felt like he shouldn't be there.

"Probably. You know what?" Spencer was just about to ask what when Derek grabbed his wrist. "Hey, JJ, sweety?" he called.

"Yeah?" she called back and grinned at her boyfriend.

"Spencer and I are going to go to the kitchen and hang out while you embarrass yourselves in here, alright?"

"Sure," she said with a grin and a wink.

"If you're supposed to kiss or make out with _any _of these losers who call themselves men, you just send them right in to me and I'll deal with them, okay?"

"Sure thing, baby," JJ said and gave the boys a saucy little wave. Spencer just managed to notice William LaMontagne's unhappy glare before Derek pulled him into the silent sanctuary that was the kitchen and closed the door with a smile.

"Alright, Genius Boy," he said and it didn't bother Spencer at all. "Tell me what you like to do in your free time."

_x_

People were talking all around her, all the different muttered voices kinda mixing together into a soft buzzing sound and her vision was actually kind of bleary and she really couldn't come up with a reason why Will would stare at her. Perhaps she had something on her face.

She rubbed it but it doesn't fell wet or sticky so maybe it was a hair or maybe her make-up was smudged.

"Emily," she said and elbowed the girl next to her and she really tried to do it softly but the girl next to her winced and she was afraid she might have overdone it.

"What is it?" Emily asked and she was so, so close. JJ smiled.

"Is my make-up still pretty?" she asked and Emily's eyes roamed over her face and JJ could almost imagine that she did it because she liked it.

"Yeah," Emily said after a while. "It looks perfect."

JJ blushed, she was certain. Her face were all warm and she wanted nothing more than to lean the few inches towards the achingly beautiful brunette and press their lips together. Maybe she could take her hand in secret. She giggled and gave Emily a playful push with her shoulder and she really didn't care about the joke Kevin Lynch was trying to tell.

She leaned closer to the girl, so close she would be able to touch her ear if she stuck her tongue out.

"I'm _so_ drunk," she stated softly and felt her heart drop when Emily shivered and shifted away a bit.

It stung.

She managed to keep a smile in place when Emily looked at her and her heart lifted and soared when Emily smiled back tentatively, though slightly guarded.

"Tobias," a demanding voice said loudly and JJ's eyes followed Emily's gaze when they moved to fix the girl who was speaking. "Do you have any closet we can use for Seven minutes?" JJ's gaze shot to the girl beside her then back to Alexa who had everybody's attention; just the way she preferred it.

The host, Tobias, a thin boy who played second-string for the football team and lived alone with his father, who 'would be furious if he knew, so please, please, please, don't ruin anything', nodded thoughtfully. "The closet in the hall only opens from the outside. If we took some of the coats out it's pretty spacey."

"Perfect," Alexa said and gave Kevin a look that spoke lengths.

"Um, okay," the boy said and shot a nervous look around, his eyes landing on Penelope with a lack of discreetness that made JJ clasp her hand over her mouth to stifle a giggle. "The next one will have to spend seven minutes in heaven with the one of opposite sex that sits closest on their left." He looked so accomplished JJ caught several pairs of rolled eyes around the circle.

She briefly hoped Derek was making the most of it with Spencer in the kitchen without doing something he would later regret. Then she glanced at Emily who was shaking her head with a resigned smile.

Kevin leaned forward and spun the bottle and the group held their breaths together and JJ grew even dizzier as she caught a whiff of Emily and her fingers twitched with want to reach out and touch her hair. It look just so ethereal in the dim light.

"Ooh," people said around her and she looked down on the bottle to find at pointing at Alexa who had now lost the satisfied smirk. She looked next to her where Will was sporting a look that too was less than impressed. With a shrug he got up and followed Tobias to the hall, Alexa and several of the others trailing after.

JJ couldn't really feel her legs. And since Emily was staying there really wasn't any reason for her to leave anyway.

"Are you having fun?" she decided to ask when what seemed like eternity, but probably wasn't as the others hadn't returned, had passed.

"Yeah, kinda," Emily said and smiled to her. "I've been talking to Penny most of the evening, trying to keep Kevin from making a move on her. She thinks it would ruin their friendship if she's forced to break his heart."

"It probably would," JJ agreed and they both looked over to Kevin who was trying to impress Penelope with something on his phone. "Hey Penny," JJ called and the girl looked at her with relief on her face. "I love your dress!"

"Thank you Jayje, I made it myself," Penny said with a sunny smile.

"Impressive," JJ commented and hoped Emily saw what an effort she did to be friendly to her friends. "But I must admit, I've kind of envied your clothes for a while – I would never be able to pull off wearing dresses that daring. I don't really have the bosom for it either." Penelope grinned and JJ realized too late that her last words made all the remaining teenagers look down on her breasts.

"They can't all be as huge as mine," Penelope agreed with her. "But you have a pretty decent rack too if you don't mind saying so."

"Not at all – thank you." The thought that Emily had looked at her breasts with the others lightened her mood quickly.

"Alright," Emmett from the football team said as he led the procession back from the hall.

"Yes, let's go on with it," Alexa said from beside him with an air as if her hair weren't mussed and her lipgloss not slightly smudged. "My turn!" She took the bottle from the floor and weighed it in her hand, looking around as the last ones settled down in the vacant spots. "The next one is going to spend seven minutes in heaven," she paused a smirk blooming on her face, "with the lesbian."

JJ immediately felt Emily tense beside her.

"Alexa," she said in a warning voice, aware that she was the only one present not too intimidated by her to speak up.

"What, JJ?" Alexa snapped.

"Be nice."

"Fine! The next one will spend seven minutes in heaven with _Emily_ then."

"I said be _nice_."

"I don't want to – I just spend seven minutes making out with the boy who doesn't speak proper American, I'll damn well decide what I want."

Will watched Alexa with a clenched jaw and no one could mistake the insulted look on his face.

"Alexa, there's no reason to be mean," JJ started but the girl in question ignored her and spun the bottle and JJ felt the words disappear in her mouth as her gaze was forced to the floor in the middle of the circle.

It spun.

And spun.

And spun.

And then it slowed.

And slowed further.

And it halted.

Pointing right at JJ.


	7. All Night Long II

**Author's Note: So I had actually totally forgotten about publishing this today, BUT! Lucky for all of you I remembered :D Hope you guys enjoy it, and sorry for not replying to your reviews - Christmas is driving me stressed! Or something :S**

Everybody's eyes were one her, Alexa's daring, Penelope's curious, and next to JJ Emily's eyes were open and so vulnerable that JJ stood and held her hand out before she knew what she was doing.

Beside fighting the wave of dizziness that attacked her.

_What am I doing?_ She though as she pulled Emily after her by her hand, determinedly striding towards the hall, where Tobias were quick to empty the closet for coats and boots the second time.

_What the hell am I doing?_ And then the closet door was locked and she was caught in a tiny room alone with Emily Prentiss, out and proud, and the object of all of JJ's frustrated affection. Her mouth was dry and she had no idea what to say and she had to keep her her breaths small and regular after she registered something brushing against her chest when she took a deep one to steady her nerves.

"When Tobias said it was pretty spacey it kind of imagine something bigger," she rushed out when the silence started to strangle her.

Emily laughed breathlessly. "I know, right? I imagine Harry Potter would feel claustrophobic in here."

JJ joined Emily's laughter and brushed against her again, sending a shiver down her back. Someone outside had started the music again and JJ officially hated the one who thought Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl" would be amusing.

"Thank you for doing this," Emily said quietly and JJ thought she sounded kind of emotional.

"For what?" she asked confusedly.

"For not making a big deal out of it."

"It's nothing, really," she insisted and thought _I wanted to come here with you most of all people anyway. _"It's not like we have to do anything," was all she said though.

"Yeah," Emily agreed and JJ's heart clenched painfully, momentarily rendering her breathless. "It's just that people have been treating me differently lately, and I just get sick of it sometimes, because really nothing has changed!"

"That's not true, Em," JJ objected. "You haven't changed, that part is true," she said when she heard Emily starting to object. "But when you told people about... About _you_, it changed everything. People know and they start to think about you. All the girls are wondering to themselves if perhaps they are the girl you're in love with and all the boys who ever thought you were hot is so busy imagining you with some other hot girl and getting off on it that... _You_ haven't changed. It's just the way people perceive you that has. But they aren't important anyway. All the important people know that it doesn't matter and we still like you for who you are-"

The doors were pulled open and curious heads stuck in trying to detect if any hot lesbian action had happened when they were waiting outside and JJ blushed and pushed the boys out of the way trying to get as far away as fast as possible.

She wanted to get out of there.

Had Emily understood was she was just about to blurt?

She needed to get out.

She needed to go home.

She needed Derek.

She found him in the kitchen where she thought he might be laughing at something with Spencer and if she hadn't been so upset she would be happy for him.

"Derek," she said, pulling the boy from his happy little pink bubble of bliss. "I want to go home." He frowned

"Are you okay?" he asked and stepped next to her, wrapping his arm around her.

"I'm fine, but I really want to go home now."

"Does it have to be now?" he said and gestured discreetly to the boy who were watching them worriedly.

"_Please_, Derek. Will you, please, take me home now?" Her eyes were welling up and Derek finally seemed to grasp that something was horribly wrong.

"What happened?" he asked too quietly for Spencer to hear.

"I'll tell you in the car," she replied back, just as hushed and Derek pulled her close and pressed a kiss to her temple.

"We'll be going then," he said and gave a last smile to Spencer who raised his hand in a small, confused wave before steering JJ out of the kitchen and out into the freezing January morning.

Inside Emily stepped into the kitchen when the door closed after the couple with a soft clack and Spencer felt his heart sink when he saw her glazed eyes.

"Do we need to go home too?" he asked her softly and Emily smiled bitterly and took a deep breath to stop the tears that threatened to fall.

"I think that would be best," she said and her voice broke along with the dam and the tears started trailing down her cheeks. Spencer only took the time to stick his head in and tell Penelope that he was taking Emily home before he rushed her out to her car and drove her home while she sobbed in the seat next to him.

x

Spring 2007

Spencer looked out the window and watched the melting snow trail slowly down the glass. He grieved the loss of the snow, as it hadn't been something he had experience often before moving to Virginia. He knew though that it usually melted before half way through March, so he probably ought to be grateful.

He didn't feel grateful in the least.

If he turned away from the window he would find his best friend and his crush wrapped up in some kind of intimate embrace and he would feel even more sullen than he already did.

Their show of affection had turned more and more public since New Years' Ever and Spencer felt like a punch to his stomach each time they would fold their hands together or wrap their arms around each other.

He had liked that evening though. He had been having the best time of his life chatting happily with Derek in the kitchen until JJ had burst in and ended that.

Emily had bawled like a little kid all the way home and refused to tell him what had happened.

He suspected it had something to do with JJ.

He just wanted to hurry up and graduate so he could get out and away from his heart ache and never ending crush on Mr. Straight-And-In-A-Relationship.

Fortunately he could count the months on one hand.

x

"I hate High School," she declared and punched his pillow as if at had insulted her in some way. "I hate it, hate it, hate it."

"Hey! Hey, hey, hey," he said and hurried to her side, not as surprised by her sudden burst of anger as he had been the first time. "Nobody heard anything, no one knows!"

"I know," she sobbed against his chest, her shoulders shaking. "I know, but..."

"But what?" he asked and pulled away so he could see her face.

"She never said anything, it looked like she understood, and she never said anything." She broke down into sobs again and all he could do was caress her hair and mutter soothing words that didn't help either of them.

"I know," he whispered and pressed a kiss to her hair as his heart constricted. He knew almost exactly what she felt. "I know."

x

"I don't think there's much more for me to teach you," he declared somewhat uncertainly and leaned back in his chair. He tapper his fingertips against the table as he tried to come up with anything even remotely mathematic related they needed to know when finishing high school.

"Nothing?" Derek asked and Spencer thought he might sound a little disappointed. Perhaps. Maybe. It would be nice to let him self believe even just for a _moment_ that he would miss their tutoring sessions. Spencer most definitely would.

"I can't remember anything at the top of my head, no."

"That probably mean there isn't anything."

"Yeah." Spencer wondered if he should start packing but Derek didn't and if this was their last time together he was going to savor every passing second of it.

"Have you talked to JJ lately?" Derek asked but Spencer was hesitant to jump on the subject.

"We've talked a little, but not really outside class," he admitted. The truth was the he and JJ hadn't talked a word outside class, not since Tobias' party. Emily wouldn't tell him why she was so upset, but he sensed that it had something to do with his best friend and he felt a pressure to pick sides.

"I think she misses you," Derek said.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I miss her too."

"You should go talk to her tomorrow then, she's been completely stressed out lately – I think it will do her good."

Derek was doing this for JJ, not to keep Spencer company for a few moments longer. It wasn't more than he had expected but it hurt nonetheless.

"I will, I promise."

They started packing in silence and Spencer ran a quick search for any subject on which they might connect.

"Did you watch the shows I told you about?" Derek asked and Spencer perked up.

"I did – it lack the physics which I was the most fond of in Star Trek, but I find the Doctor to be a very stimulating character."

"So Doctor Who is a go?"

"It would seem. I'm planning on finding some tapes with the earliest seasons."

"Great, great." Derek smiled brightly and slipped his rucksack onto his back. "What about Torchwood?"

"Well," Spencer said and frowned, "it has even less science, but still I quite like it. Captain Jack is quite a character."

"I know, right?" Derek said and fell into step with Spencer as they exited the otherwise empty library. "What do you think about him being in a relationship with another man?"

"As much as I enjoyed Ianto, I found the chemistry between Jack and Gwen to be the most interesting, but I like that the show has homosexuality as one of their main themes." Spencer had a feeling he had said something wrong when Derek grew tense and quiet beside him, so he kept talking. "Actually Buffy, The Vampire Slayer was the first TV-series featuring an openly gay character in the main cast. But Torchwood is much more _explicit_ in showing the homosexual relations." Spencer kept babbling as they walked, somehow ending up discussing _Firely_, which he considered a guilty pleasure of his.

"Spencer," Derek interrupted and shot Spencer a brief smile. "I'm going this way." He pointed behind him in the direction of the dressing rooms.

"Oh, yes of course," Spencer said and felt stupid that he was surprised.

"It was great talking to you, and having you teach me math stuff too, you know. If you ever need anything that I can help you with just let me know!" For a minute Spencer detected a look of uncertainty flash across Derek's face, but then he punched him lightly on the arm and gave him a nod as a goodbye and started down the hall opposite of where Spencer was going.

He never found out what he said to make Derek upset.

x

"JJ?"

"Spence?"

"I'm sorry I haven't talked to you lately-"

"You don't need to be sorry it's me, I've been so stressed lately-"

"I know I haven't really tried talking to you since New Year's actually-"

"It's so not your fault, and the thing about New Year's? Just forget about it, I freaked out about graduating and not knowing what to do-"

"I thought you told me you were offered a scholarship? With your soccer-"

"I did! I was offered a few actually. I just can't decide on what to do and with, er, Derek too you know. I don't want to leave him. And you too of course!"

"I'm going to MIT."

"Yeah, you told me that once, didn't you?"

"We'll see each other in the holidays. And we could write each other?"

"And perhaps we could move the same place afterwards? And try and get a job at the same place?"

"Yeah, and you could bring Derek too."

"And you could bring, uhm, Emily maybe?"

"It would be pretty cool, wouldn't it?"

"It would be, totally. If we got Penelope to join us she could probably make it happen."

"I still thinks she's kind of scary."

"You do? She _adores_ you! She thinks you're the cutest thing second only to puppies."

"I detest that."

"I thought you might."

"So..."

"Yeah..."

"Class?"

"Strauss is going to have our heads."

"We are quite late."

"Want to skip? For once?"

"I don't know – what if she says something important?"

"When does she ever say something important? Come on, live a little Spence! Besides it's only going to be reviewing and you already know the entire curriculum!"

"I can't help it – it's exciting reading!"

"We're skipping."

"... Alright, then."


	8. Three Little Words

**Author's Note: This is an early update, but I needed to get it out there and I'm not sure how much time I have tomorrow (prepping for big party and - and this might be a surprise - the final I have on Tuesday. For which I've hardly prepared) so here it is already :D I'll post next chapter early Tuesday or later Tuesday - depends on whether I've got time before the test or if I'll have to wait until I get home. Wish me luck - I think I might need it?**

May, 2007

Emily was stressed. Finals were creeping up on all of them and she had sent applications to what seemed like half the colleges in the States and got accepted into almost all of them and still she couldn't decide. Didn't know what to do.

Her feet beat down relentlessly on the pavement as the ruthlessly hot May sun beamed down on her, making the sweat run in rivulets down her body as she started another lap.

Her head was starting to pound but she would do just one more lap and then she would take a break and get something to drink.

Just another lap.

To take her head off of the girl running around with her team on the track hitting that stupid white ball and shouting orders as she pleased. She hadn't spoken to her since New Years'. Not that they spoke a lot before, just casual remarks in class and if they met outside school.

Just enough to make her long after her with body and soul and she was so hot right now, her sweat was likely sweating.

The sun beat down relentlessly and made the asphalt looked shimmery in the heat. Who would have thought the track was covered in snow only two and a half months ago?

When she finished she would go home and start reading up on History, she had two weeks till finals really hit and she wanted to get a good head start. Her thighs started screaming in pain and she noticed just how tired and warm her feet felt. She kept running, kept the rhythmic tap-tap-tap of her feet on the ground continued. Just half a lap and she would stop and have that drink. Then she would do another two, maybe three and then she would hit the showers before the soccer team ended practice and She and her stupid teammates would come and snigger and talk in hushed voices behind her back. Not that She would join them, but she wouldn't stop them either.

Emily felt her lungs cramp up on her and blinked lazily as the ground suddenly jumped at her face and everything went black.

_Stop that._

_Stop shaking me._

_Just five more minutes, Mother, is that too much to ask?_

"Come on Emily, open you eyes!"

Water poured into her mouth and she coughed as she got something down the wrong pipe and the water stopped coming. Emily opened her eyes and saw golden and blue and then there was water in her mouth again and she drank.

She hadn't noticed how thirsty she had gotten.

"You scared us there for a moment, Ms. Prentiss," a familiar voice said and her vision became less blurry and the golden and blue were Her and then Mr. Rossi was there too, smiling down at her. "She's fine now girls, JJ take over the practice will you?" JJ nodded and left her coach and Emily with one last look shouting for the girls to get their lazy asses off the ground and resume with whatever they had done before. Emily closed her eyes again. "I thought you knew better than to push yourself this hard."

"I guess I overestimated my stamina," she said and opened her eyes to find Rossi holding another bottle of water. She took it gratefully and drank deeply.

"Or underestimated the conditions." She looked at him warily but he just pointed to the cloudless sky and beaming sun. "I think you should go back to dressing room and drink some more water and take a cold shower. Do you think you can get up there on your own?"

Emily tried to stand, but her knees buckled and folded under her and Rossi had to grab her arm to keep her from falling.

"I guess that's a no," she said and gave him an apologetic smile.

"I thought so." Rossi gave the whistle he had around his neck a sharp blow and the running girls stopped what they were doing and gave him their attention. "I need a volunteer to take our dear miss Prentiss to the dressing room and make sure she drinks a gallon of water before she attempts to drive home." All the girls fell silent and Rossi frowned when they looked at each other or their feet and anywhere else then him. "Anyone?"

"It's alright, Mr. Rossi, just give me a minute and I'll be able to-"

"I'll do it," a voice interrupted her and JJ walked determinedly up and took hold of Emily's other arm. "I'll take her to the dressing room."

"Good, you do that." The coach turned around and fixed the girls in front of him. "The rest of you, start running. I want to see you finish three laps and then fifty sit-ups before I even start considering ending practice."

JJ smiled to Emily and pulled her arm around her shoulder and they started walking to the chorus of female voices complaining but eventually giving in.

"You didn't have to do that," Emily said as she sat on a bench in the dressing room and JJ went to the bathroom to refill the bottle she had emptied on the way.

"Of course I did, my team apparently consist solely of homophobic bitches," the other replied from the bathroom and Emily smiled bitterly to herself.

"You still hadn't needed to walk me up here, I would be able to do it alone if I just got a chance to breathe." She covered her eyes with an arm. "I know how awkward it's been between us since New Year's and this is really just pushing it a bit too far."

"I really don't think-"

"I thought you of all people would know that I wouldn't rape you or anything just because you blurted that you still liked me – if I did that to every girl who told me that they didn't outright detest me, I'm pretty sure word would be out that Penelope was pregnant with my child."

"Emily-"

"But I think you overreacted!" Emily removed her arm and fixed JJ with a hurt look. "I heard you begging Derek to take you home, and it really broke my heart. I was going to thank you for being such a grown-up about being stuck in a closet with me for those seven minutes and apparently it had been horrible for you. You begged him, actually _begged_ him to take you home. Do you have any idea how much that hurt? The girl I'm in love with begging her boyfriend to take her as far away from me as I can get? Do you have any idea?"

She hadn't meant to say it and she really wished she could take it back and go back to being broken hearted and the only one who knew about her stupid infatuation.

And JJ just stood there and stared at her with wide eyes and gaping mouth, still holding that stupid water bottle.

"Oh, fuck," she said quietly and rubbed her eyes with her hands. A clash made her look up and she saw the bottle rolling and spilling its content in bursts of water as JJ crossed the distance between them and pulled her up, crashing their lips together.

Emily was dumbstruck, frozen she couldn't move her hands, her feet, her lips and just stared as JJ pressed their lips together, her eyes shut firmly and a look of deep concentration and pain on her face.

And then suddenly she was able to move again and she kissed back, opened her mouth slightly and greeted the tongue that didn't wait to slip through her parted lips and they were kissing, really _kissing_ and she felt dizzy all over again, like she was just about to faint, and she might have swayed a bit, because JJ's hands came up and stabilized her with one hand on her hip and the other on the nape of her neck.

The only explanation to this was that she hadn't fainted, but died and gone to Heaven, and then JJ pulled back and looked her in her eyes and grinned.

"I've been mad about you for the past two and a half years," she confessed and Emily stared in wonder at her lips when they formed the words she could hardly comprehend. "I'm only with Derek because I was afraid people would find out and then when you came out and the rumor started that you were in love someone – it never occurred to me that _I_ was the one you were in love with, all I could think was 'She's gay and _still_ I don't have a chance', and it felt even more awful."

Emily watched her in wonder as she babbled and stopped the stream of explanations by pressing their mouths together, the kiss quickly turning into a fight of dominance that left her breathless when JJ pulled back again.

"At the party I thought you had realized just how crazy I was about you and when you didn't react to my confession I thought it was because you didn't like me. I've been a wreck these last few weeks, crying and screaming and tearing Derek's things apart – just ask him."

"Shut up," Emily said and kissed her again."

"I'm in love with you!"

Her heart soared and she pressed hundreds of kisses on JJ's mouth, cheeks, eyes, jaw.

"I love you too," she muttered between every kiss and JJ's breathless laughter was the prettiest sound she had ever heard. "I love you too."

x

"To the car! To the car, right NOW! No, it can't wait that long, in here," she tugged his arm until he relented and followed her into the abandoned class room and her let her push him against the wall, her breathless grin making him grin back.

"What is it?" he asked and she flung her arms around him for the third time since they had met up.

"Guess what?" she asked, still out of breath with eagerness and from pulling him halfway through school.

"Can't you just tell me?" Her eyes shone with her excitement and she looked so refreshingly happy. She hadn't looked properly happy for far too long.

"She kissed me," she said below her breath and his eyes widened as he tried to comprehend what he was being told.

"What?" he asked in surprise.

"She _kissed_ me. _She_ kissed _me_!" Her hands flew to her face and covered her mouth and she struggled to keep an excited squeal back.

"She kissed you?" he parroted and she nodded so violently her sloppy ponytail jumped along.

"I'm the one," she said almost too softly for him to hear. "I was the one all along!"

He smiled at her enthusiasm. "That's great, JJ! What do we do now then?"

"Do about what?" she asked, still grinning widely.

"Us. Are we breaking up or..?" He looked at her questioningly as her brow furrowed and she stepped back looking at him thoughtfully.

"I... I haven't thought about that," she admitted and her arms fell limply, to dangle at her sides.

"You haven't?"

"No! I just – we just... Just now!"

"Oh, well," he said scratched his chest as he contemplated their situation. "I don't think we should break up yet," he decided and she look at him in confusion.

"Why not?" she asked. "If we don't I'll be "cheating" on you." She made air quotations and he thought she looked pretty adorable. For a girl anyway.

"It'll be too suspicious if we just broke up just like that. Maybe if we slowly drifted apart? Like talked less and less and spent less and less time together. You could start studying with her, she's just as smart as you and finals are _really_ close, so it wouldn't be that odd. And if people start talking we can say that you're only studying."

"Maybe we could have a big argument over which college to attend to and when we decide on different ones we can tell people we split because we fight every time we're together?"

"That sounds reasonable, " he said thoughtfully, a slight frown marring his brow. "And if we do both people might actually believe it." She slapped his shoulder and he slapped her back lightly, both grinning like mad.

x

Corn was odd. It tasted sweet, yet not sweet enough to be interesting, and even if they weren't popped they still got stuck in you teeth.

Spencer decidedly didn't enjoy corn. He ate it because his father would give him that tired, disappointed look if he left any food on his plate. A neat stack of corn was stabled on his fork and he raised it ever so slowly to his mouth, careful not to drop any. When his lips closed around the mouthful he looked up victoriously and found Emily staring at him, a slightly mad smile grazing her face then disappearing every few moments, as if she was trying to keep her happiness under control.

'What?' he mouthed at her and raised his eyebrows inquiringly.

She moved her lips and smiled brightly. He shook his head and she moved her lips again. He frowned and she rolled her eyes. She did it again, moving her lips slowly, carefully enhancing every syllable.

There were four.

The first two seemed to be the same.

The third one was a mystery.

The last one could be 'me', but he wasn't completely sure.

She did it again. The first two looked like kind of a 'jay'-sound.

'JJ?' he mouthed and Emily nodded enthusiastically and repeated the last two. He held two fingers up discreetly and pointed to her.

She frowned in confusion before lighting up in understanding and nodding. She repeated the third syllable.

Spencer shot her a look to tell her that he _really _didn't understand what she meant. She tapped her lips thoughtfully and he waited. She tapped them again and he made a movement for her to continue. She smacked her head and Elizabeth looked up on her daughter.

"Sit still at the table," she instructed her daughter.

"Sorry," Emily mumbled and looked down to her plate until Elizabeth returned her attention to her food.

Then she tapped her lips again, very determined and Spencer finally understood what she was trying to do.

So the first word was JJ then something with lips and then Emily.

JJ something with lips Emily.

_Oh!_

His fork hit his plate with a loud clank and his father shot him that tired, disappointed look, only for once it really didn't matter to Spencer.


	9. Out, Hidden, Broken

**Author's Note: Finals suck. You don't. Make my day, please?**

JJ thought their plan was working out pretty nicely. She spend less and less time with Derek and more with Emily, Spencer, and her friends from the soccer team. The first two never at the same time as the latter.

Like every Tuesday and Thursday where JJ ate lunch with the team. She was careful to be seated somewhere at the table where she would be able to see and maintain eye contact with Emily, but no matter how far away she was in spirit she was with her team in body.

That counted for something.

It was just that she found the topics of conversation with her team increasingly boring and the excitement from looking up and finding Emily watch her made her heart increase in speed in the most exhilarating fashion.

"... Emily Prentiss!" JJ was forced from a long look between her and Emily when the latter's name was spoken in the harsh tones Alexa used when she was talking about someone she didn't like.

"Sorry," JJ said and speared a tomato from her salad. "I was spacing out – what about Emily Prentiss?"

"I was just saying," Alexa said, obviously happy with having JJ's attention, "that I thought we should have designated seats in the cafeteria and that PE should be in different teams so we wouldn't have to be mixed with all those freaks, like the Lesbian." JJ stared at her incredulously. "You know," Alexa said with a confused frown marring her pretty face, "Emily Prentiss."

"Why would you think that?" JJ asked. Alexa perked up and JJ's eyebrows shot up as she realized her childhood friend didn't detect her disbelief.

"You know, what if it's contagious? I really don't want to suddenly turn lesbian. Besides, haven't you ever thought if she might be _watching_ you while you shower? The thought makes me sick!"

She had indeed wondered if Emily ever watched her in the shower. It made her hot and wanting to imagine Emily's eyes on her when she soaped her body and shampoo'd her hair.

All she did was producing a strangled sound, as the ability to speak seemed to have left her. She stared at the girl she had thought she knew, Alexa, her best friend through all of Middle School and the first half of High School until Spencer had arrived and provided a great opportunity to get closer to Emily Prentiss. When he turned out to be an amazing guy too he had slowly stolen Alexa's title as her best friend, and no matter how shallow and narrow-minded JJ had known Alexa to be, she always expected her to be alright deep down.

This was just unforgivable.

JJ closed the Tupperware with her salad and collected her things before leaving her seat without a word and slowly walking to Emily's table where she put down her lunch. Emily looked at her questioningly, but when she opened her mouth to ask JJ what was going on, JJ leaned forward and crashed their lips together.

Her anger and frustration disappeared when Emily wielded and let JJ's tongue slip into her mouth, and she groaned in appreciation and wrapped her hands around her neck to indulge complete.

When they pulled apart the entire cafeteria had fallen silent, so JJ slipped into the vacant seat next to the girl she lived and unpacked her lunch again.

"Do you want to hang out this afternoon?" she asked Emily casually and the other caught her intention immediately.

"Sure. But it'll have to be at your house, my mother is off today and she'll be a bitch about it if I bring back an actual girlfriend."

JJ smiled and took Emily's hand on the table and then she ignored the table of staring soccer players ten feet away.

x

Emily let the long tresses of hair slip through her fingers, the lightness and softness amazing her yet again. The knowledge that they were dating would occur to her every time she looked at JJ's face, and the butterflies in her stomach would do somersaults in exhilaration.

She had no words to describe how happy she was, how much she loved she girl resting her head on her abdomen, how far she would go to keep her happy and by her side.

"I love you," she said out loud, still amazed to hear the words and even more amazed to see JJ look up from her textbook to smile brightly.

"I love you too," she said and Emily's heart almost burst with happiness.

JJ resumed reading and Emily resumed winding her fingers through her girlfriend's hair.

"What about Derek?" she asked, when a thought occurred to her out blue.

"What about him?" JJ asked and looked up from her book again.

"Did he know?" Emily asked. "About you? Liking me?"

"Yeah, he did," JJ admitted and looked down on her book a bit too quickly for it to be innocent.

"And still he dated you?" Emily inquired.

"He was the one who asked, actually."

"Why would he do that?" JJ was very careful to avoid Emily's eyes.

"I guess he felt sorry for me when I told him."

Emily watched her girlfriend stare at her book without moving her eyes for eight long seconds. "But that's not the entire reason, is it?"

"I wouldn't know," JJ said and finally met he eyes. "And even if I did it wouldn't be in my place to tell you."

"Oh," Emily breathed. "He's gay too."

JJ looked intently down on her book.

"You don't have to confirm or deny just – did he do it because he liked somebody?" Their eyes met and for a long moment nothing happened, then JJ nodded imperceptible. "Please, please, _please_ tell me it's Spencer!"

JJ's eyes widened and Emily burst into a grin.

"This is just too good to be true."

x

Emily and JJ.

JJ and Emily.

No matter how he turned it, it still seemed odd to him.

Emily and JJ.

Were dating.

A couple.

And _everyone_ knew.

So perhaps he was a bit jealous. Perhaps he wanted to be happy in love and with the person he cared about. But he would settle on everyone treating him properly, and he had heard that it was custom to be sexually exploring in college so he guessed they would be more open minded to gay people.

It wouldn't give him Derek, but hopefully his affection for him would fade with time.

He wondered how Derek was feeling after realizing he had been dating a lesbian for almost nine months. They hadn't talked for the past few days since JJ and Emily's kiss in the cafeteria, but he hoped Derek's friends knew how to console him if he was feeling down.

Spencer wouldn't know what to do with himself in such a situation anyway. He was never any good around emotional people. His mind would go all blank and every possible expression of compassion and sympathy seemed so incredibly awkward to him.

All he wanted to do was to be there for Derek anyway.

He probably wouldn't want him around though, he was Emily's brother if only by marriage.

Emily who was so happy lately, drifting around in seventh heaven with a dreamy look on her face. Spencer was amazed neither of their parents had commented on it, it seemed blazingly obvious to him.

He didn't like to be around her much. He would fill with ugly feelings of jealousy and envy even if he wanted her to be truly happy at last.

He wanted his happy ending, but it was never going to happen and she was everywhere flashing hers in his face with every gesture, every smile. So he had taken to study in school, at the library after class. He would sit at Penelope Garcia's table, opposite of her and they would concentrate each on their own in companionable silence for hours until one of them would pack their stuff together and leave with a nod and a smile to the other.

He was on his way to the library, having just finished History and a discussion after class with Mrs. Strauss about the subject of his final assignment, the Polish people's role in World War II.

"Hey, Spencer, wait!" Spencer halted when a familiar voice called his name for what must have been the first time ever.

"Alexa?" he asked as the girl stopped next to him, leaning forward and panting for her breath. "Is something wrong?"

"JJ," she said when her breath returned to somewhat normal. "She's out back, crying. I think you should come."

Spencer stared at her in confusion and disbelief.

"Why would she send you and not Emily?" he asked and tightened his grip around the strap of his back to hide his nervousness. He had never talked to Alexa before and her beauty and power over most of the student body intimidated him to a certain extend.

She narrowed her eyes at his slightly accusing tone. "You know what, Mr. Genius?" she asked coldly. "I really don't care about what you think about me. So, I might not be you best friend and I'm certainly no friend of you sister's, but I've known JJ since we were _four_ and that counts for something. So even if we aren't exactly BFFs at the moment that doesn't mean I won't do everything I can for her when she has a huge argument with her _girlfriend_." She spat the word and Spencer could only stare at her in wonder. "Now, I know you're Emily's brother, but I don't care, one of my dearest friends are sobbing her heart out and asking for you, so you better come with me or I'll have to make you!"

"Alright," Spencer said in a small voice and followed Alexa when she hurried down the hall the way she came. She led him out the back door and looked around before starting towards the football court.

"Where is she?" Spencer asked and fought to keep up with her quick steps.

"She was outside when I left her, but I think she might have gone down here." She continued walking and Spencer didn't feel like he had any option bu to follow her. "Oh, here they are," she said.

"Hello, Spencer Reid," one said and something cold ran down Spencer's spine.

x

She knocked timidly on the door and waited for the slightly gruff 'Enter' before pushing the door open and slipping inside.

"Hello Aaron," she said and closed the door softly behind her. "How are you today?"

He looked up from his computer and she crossed the space between them in three skipping steps so she could jump onto the desk and lean in for a kiss.

"Penelope," he said and she frowned when he pulled back. "We talked about this."

"I know," she admitted and took hold of his tie with one hand and leaning closer conspiratorially. "But no one's here, not even Spencer. I checked." She smiled mischievously and his eyes darted to her mouth where her tongue slipped out to wet her bright red lips. "I've been thinking about you all day."

"Penelope," Aaron said and his hand came up to hers holding his tie, his large dry one wrapping around hers, small and soft.

"Aaron," she said with a sigh and leaned down to press their lips together. Her smile vanished when he pulled away. "Aaron, what's going on?"

"Penelope." He unwrapped the fingers around his tie and laid the hand down on her thigh. "We need to stop this."

"What? Why?" Penelope asked, a note of desperation sneaking into her voice.

"Because it's _wrong_."

"It can't be wrong, surely. Not when it feels so _right_." His face was so serious, they had had the talk before but he had never been that _solemn_ while before.

"You're a student," he stated and pushed his chair away from her, her heart shattering with every inch the distance between them increased.

"I graduate in a month."

"You're way too young."

"I turned eighteen in February and for ever year we'll be together the age gap will seem smaller. Ten years are nothing if you're fifty and sixty."

"But we're not. I'm almost thirty and you only just turned eighteen." He rubbed his hand over his face. "I feel so old when I'm with you," he muttered.

"But young too, I make you relive and experience everything like it's new and amazing."

"I'll only hold you back."

"You make everything easier. Knowing you believe in me make me believe in me too."

"You don't need me."

"I need you just as much as you need me." Her eyes begged him, but his stony mask didn't falter. "Please, Aaron. Don't do this."

"I have to. You're in no position to end this, but someone has to. I'm the grown-up."

"Don't," she begged, her voice almost lost to her own ears. "I love you."

"And I love you, Penny." Tears welled to her eyes. "Which is why I have to do this. I know you hate me now, but someday you'll realize that this is for the best."

"One day," Penelope said in a broken voice and slid down the desk, "you'll realize this is the biggest mistake you ever made. And then I will wait for you and forgive you, because apparently you weren't as wise as you thought."

She closed the door behind her as softly as when she entered and started walking out of the school. Some part of her wished he would come after her and tell her to stop, that he was wrong, she was right, he loved her and only wanted to be with her.

They would make it work somehow.

She knew he wouldn't though. He was too busy being a good parent and a responsible adult and she wasn't included in that plan.

One day she would be perfect for it, because she loved him and despite what he thought he knew, all he really needed was someone to love him.

She pushed the doors open and continued walking, not knowing where to, just that she needed further distance between her and the school.

Between her and _him_.

Her heart ached and the tears were streaming down her cheeks without pause.

She fell to her knees under the cover of the bleachers, the sobs finally let through her tight control and ripping through her body and she hid her head in her arms and let her hurt out.

She hated him

She loved him.

She wanted him to die.

She needed him to hold her.

How could he not see how perfect they would be?

How could he not see?

When her tears stilled she was dizzy and tired and she fell back and rested with her face hidden in her hands and let the silence dominate. Her breaths were soft and she kept them as silent as she could and slowly her heartbeat slowed and she wondered if she could make herself die of if she would only fall asleep. A strange noise caught her attention after a while. She couldn't decide what it was, it was too soft, too far away.

She got up from the dirt and brushed her skirt off before leaving her hiding place and paused with bated breath to find the noise again.

It was fainter out here, she could hear it more clearly hidden under the bleachers so she rounded them and came to an abrupt halt, staring at the scattered clothing and the scene in front of her.


	10. Combustion

**Author's Note: And now my lovelies - here it is! The chapter you've all been waiting for! The One! The Only! The LAST CHAPPIE! Woooot! Now, I know this is somewhat shorter than most of the other chapters, but don't let it fool you - it's one of my absolute favorite chapters at all! It's has physical violence! As opposed to non-physical violence. I'm sounding stupid now, no? Anyway! Thank you so much for being here with me and for taking the time to read it and love it the way you all have! I love you right back youse knows :)**

He gave her a small wave and she returned it before gassing up and leaving him on the curb, loneliness attacking him and freezing him to the spot for a few moments before he forced his feet into motion and he crossed the lawn and entered the house as quickly he could.

Every movement, no matter how small, made his body scream in pain.

He pushed the door open as soundlessly as he could and closed it just as softly. He crouched to untie his laces when his father entered the hall.

"We're eating in five minutes," he said and Spencer told his heart to calm down as he made sure to keep his back turned to his father, and his face hidden beneath his bangs.

"I already ate. Penelope and I went to the diner." He could almost hear his father nod.

"Was she the one to give you that hickey on your neck?" Spencer's hand flew up to his neck, hiding a mark he hadn't known were there. "Next time you decide to go on a date please tell me so before we start cooking."

"Okay," Spencer said and William left the room again. He stood and shrugged off his jacket, hanging it on a hanger in the closet before ascending the stairs and locking himself into his room. He dropped down to his bed the moment after letting the door fall shut and he stared at the wall accusingly.

How could this have happened?

He stayed in the same position on the bed for forty minutes and then a soft knock on his door pulled him from his almost thoughtless daze.

"Spencer?" Emily asked and stuck in her head. "What did your dad mean when he said you ate on a date with _Penelope Garcia?_" He could hear her smile and didn't answer. "Spencer?" He heard the door close and feet crossing the floor, patting against the plush carpet. "Is that a hickey?"

"No," he said flatly. "It's not." He turned around to his back and watched as his step-sister's eyes widened in horror and filled with tears. She crawled on the bed and spooned him, held him close and petted his hair with her tears running soundlessly as he told her what they had done. She cried for a long time after, her tears catching in his hair and his shirt, leaving big wet markings.

They fell asleep with her arm around his chest, holding him pressed against her and in the morning she helped him dress in a long sleeved-shirt and with a scarf to hide the markings around his neck.

She offered to hide the rest with makeup, but he told her he would keep his head down like he had done back in Vegas.

He never shed a tear.

x

Spencer followed Emily meekly into the classroom and kept his eyes stubbornly at his feet while he let his sister give Mr. Rossi their excuses for being late. The teacher liked Emily and let them settle into their usual seats, Emily in the back and Spencer next to JJ.

"Hey," JJ whispered when Spencer sat next to her and nudged him with her elbow when he didn't reply. The nudge was so painful it nearly took his breath away. "Why are you late?"

He shrugged and pulled his book from his bag while avoiding giving JJ a chance to gaze upon his face. If she had a chance to look at him she would see it immediately and he didn't want her to know.

"Hey," JJ said insistently. "Is something wrong?"

Spencer shook his head when the door burst open.

"I'm so sorry I'm late Mr. Rossi – my car broke down on the way and I ran the rest..." Spencer had looked up to see what was happening by the door, momentarily forgetting that he was supposed to keep his face hidden, but Derek's shocked expression made him remember and he looked down on the book quickly, but not fast enough.

Derek was in front of him in three seconds, soft hands lifting his face by the chin.

"Who did this?" he asked and JJ gasped next to him when she eyed the damage done to his face. The black eye, puffed cheeks and the scratches. At least it didn't look so bad anymore. Not after Penelope had helped him wash away the blood.

Spencer looked away and tried to break Derek's grip. It was surprisingly strong considering the almost tender hold.

"Answer me," Derek demanded, a note of desperation in his voice that puzzled Spencer. "Who did this?"

"I walked into a door," he said quietly, hoping Derek would sense his reluctance and let it go. Rossi was staring at him as well, just as every student in the class.

"Bullshit," Derek declared. "Tell me who did this!"

"Who do you think?" Emily asked and when Derek let go of Spencer's chin he looked over his shoulder at his sister who was standing, leaning her weight on the table in front of her. Spencer had never seen her look as furious as she did in that moment.

"What do you mean?" Derek asked, and Spencer stared down at his book. He didn't have the courage to look up.

"Those great friends of yours? From football, George and all his likes. And Alexa," Emily added, probably on JJ's behalf. "They tricked him to the football court, beat him up and tied him to a goal post. _Naked!" _Spencer felt his face blush and he wanted nothing more than to disappear down into a deep hole. Or maybe to just curl up and die.

His throat burned.

His eyes stung.

Derek made a strangled noise, turned on his heels, and marched out the room, Rossi finally regained his posture as he followed him to the door and demanded him to return to his seat.

Spencer found it amazingly difficult to comprehend what happened during the next hour.

x

Penelope were trying to see if eyes could actually burn holes in the back of someone's head. She was seated right behind George Foyet and if _anyone_ had deserved to have holes burned into the backs of their head it would be that slimey, lying, bastard, who had _dared_ to lay hands on that cute little genius her Derek was so incredibly and secretly in love with.

She had made a plan to hack the school database after school to add some new material to his file.

Some new future-altering material.

He deserved that and so much more, but she would have to settle.

Unless her 'burning eyes'-experiment turned out to be successful. Or if she managed to get the big, porridge-filled head to combust.

The tap-tap-tap of her pen was drowned out by the sound of the door exploding open and connecting with the door with a slam so loud Penelope jumped in her seat.

And then the man she had just thought about – not Spencer, the other one – shouted, "YOU!" and launched himself at George, his hand connecting with George's jaw and sending him out of his chair and rolling on the floor. Derek followed him, his fists landing blow after blow to the other's face and torso.

Mr. Rossi appeared in the door and he and Mr. Gideon forced the two young men apart with quite a bit of trouble.

"What the hell, man?" George yelled at his teammate, as Mr. Rossi and Wallace "The Wall" Lichtenstein pulled Derek towards the hallway. Gideon was strong enough to manage George on his own. "What the hell?"

"If you EVER touch him again," Derek replied, his face a contorted mask of rage. He struggled to come forward again, "I will END YOU!"

The blooming black eye George was sporting was, in addition to her planned shenanigans, still not nearly enough, but it was growing closer.

Penelope smiled to herself.

x

JJ took Spencer's hand and the fingertips of her other hand caressed the bruises shown on his wrist where his shirt rode up. They could hear Derek somewhere down the hall, Mr. Rossi too yelling for him to stop and then a door bursting open and some muffled shouts.

Emily came up and crouched next to him.

"It's going to be alright," she said softly and gave him a smile he didn't return. He found it very unlikely that anything would be alright.

"... EVER touch him again," Spencer suddenly heard someone down the hall was shouting, "I will END YOU!"

His heart stopped beating for a minute then resumed in a pace faster than ever when he realized.

x

"Derek is at the Principal's," Penelope said and positioned herself across from Spencer and JJ at the table. "He came into our classroom and started beating up George Foyet. He'll probably be suspended if he doesn't come up with a good explanation, although word has it Mr. Rossi spoke up for him to the principal." She took a carrot stick from the open bag in front of Emily and bit into it with a serious look at Spencer. "_Someone_ should probably go see if he's okay."

Then she got up and left the trio at the table.

x

Derek was sitting in the chair across from the secretary, who was ignoring him vehemently while writing something on her computer. Her speed left much to be wished for, Spencer observed, as she was hitting every key with her right index finger. The young man was looking at his feet and Spencer watched him from safety across the hall outside.

He was waiting for Ms. Erickson to get up to go to lunch, as he knew she would in less in a minute. Finally she paused the computer and grabbed her purse.

"Stay here until I come back," she instructed Derek sternly as she rose. "Your mother should be here in half an hour's time and until then I won't have you running off somewhere." Derek nodded without looking at her, and she sighed and passed by him, nodding to Spencer when she recognized him in the hall.

When she was out of sight, he walked up to the open door, stepped in and closed the door behind him. Derek didn't look up immediately, but continued staring stubbornly at his feet for a while before finally giving in to the insistent silence.

His eyes widened with surprise when he recognized the other boy in the office.

"Spencer," he started and his mouth moved, but no words came out. He looked heartbroken, Spencer thought, and as if he couldn't find the right words.

Neither could Spencer. His throat burned.

"I'm so, so sorry," Derek finally said, the words soft and caring and something burst inside Spencer, the tears he had been fighting for almost a day, suddenly rushing to his eyes.

"I didn't," he said and sniffed to fight the urge to sob. His eyes stung. "I never cried." The dam broke as the words were spoken, and the tears were running down his cheeks, the sob he was holding back ripping through his body.

Derek was by his side in a second, his hands tenderly cradling his face as he brought his own close enough so their foreheads could rest against each other.

"You were so brave," he muttered and Spencer's sobbing increased. "Braver than I could ever be."

"And it still wasn't enough," Spencer said after several minutes had passed and the sobbing had decreased. He had a faint suspicion that the principal had opened his door at some point only to close it again at the sight of the two boys in the strikingly intimate position.

"Together we will be," Derek said with confidence and pulled back an inch so he could look properly into Spencer's eyes. "Together we'll be enough."

"Yes," Spencer said breathlessly and then Derek pulled him up and pressed their lips together, and it hurt, the rip in his lip reopening, but it still felt so good and the pain only enhanced the feeling of happiness.

Derek pulled away at the taste of iron and his thump ran tenderly across Spencer's bottom lip, wiping the blood away.

"Sorry about that," he muttered and leaned back in to rest their foreheads against each other. Their breaths mingled and Spencer felt deliriously happy.

"It's okay," he replied softly and covered Derek's hand on his cheek with his own.

"I'll kiss you more thoroughly when I can do so without causing you any pain," he said and touched Spencer's black eye with the tips of his fingers.

"Will you take care of my virginity then too?" Spencer asked and Derek laughed, causing him to chuckle too.

"I think we can work something out," Derek said and his eyes promised Spencer all the things he had wished for and dreamed about.

And it felt even better than he had ever imagined it would.


End file.
